Take A Look At Yourself

[FarrIL]

This is a rant to two women who chose to pinpoint my imperfections before looking at themselves in the mirror.

You've grabbed the pudge on my stomach, and even went so far as to point out the very few stretch marks my thighs have, when I was trying to show you the huge bruise a friend's dog left me.

Sorry, mother and sister, but why dont the two of you look at yourselves instead of me?

Allie, you're looking pretty damn good, but you dont need to grab a handful of my belly and tell me I need to work out more. Quite frankly, I take walks every night and I dance when I'm home alone. I work myself a sweat most of the time. That is pudge on my stomach that I am damn well proud to have. I am 19 years old, 5'3", and I weigh a whopping 116 pounds. Low blood pressure, lotsa energy, good metabolism.

Dude, I'm f*ckin' healthy.

Mother, look at yourself. You smoke, you dont drink enough milk. You're more addicted to caffeine than I am. You and George have bought that crunchy-chair to work your stomachs but the fact that you both have so much Cortisol in your bodies that you both look 8 months pregnant, that chair aint doing squat. Hell, neither of you have used that thing in almost 2 months, if not more.

Your lives are stressful, mine is not. True, I dont have many bills to pay but I dont worry about how I'm going to make the next payment, because I know things work out.

I'm healthy. Fit. Active.

Mother, specifically, you are not.

So, do yourself a favor and grab your own stomach before grabbing mine.

::: Grabs her own :::

"See this? It's padding. It keeps my organs cushioned for when I'm sparring and get socked in the torso. It's also useful for child-bearing. Keeps the baby cushioned too."

(( Rant's over...... <<; ))

[Guest Game of Chance]

You tell 'em Farril

[Head Wreck]

HEAR HEAR!

it not only women

i get the odd bit of thiss of my folks.

[Brenda Starrr]

Get 'em, girl!! Don't take the bullshit that so-called perfection tries to send your way.

[saechalyn]

If I had a nickel for every time my mother called me fat, ugly, or some variant thereof, I'd be rich. You tell 'em Farril.

[Fierce Critter]

Wow. Reminds me of my NOT dear, THANKFULLY departed grandmother.

She'd walk up to me, grab my face between her hands and say, "Such a beautiful face".

Then she'd reach down, grab a thigh, and say, "Such a FAT body."

When I was 14.

Fuck you, Grandma. I sold your fucking necklace on eBay.

Farril, you SO don't have to worry about what these idiots think about you. They're so off-base it's unbelieveable. When I hugged you at Mephisto's, I thought I was going to break you in half. You're beautiful.

But I can sense you know that, and aren't going to let these blind idiots get to you. More power to you, grrrl. :grin

[soothsayer]

Stand your ground woman. =)

[Msterbeau]

Yeah!! What they said!!! *Points up*

A little cushion on the derierre isn't a bad thing either since you like those spankings at Mephs so much..... :whistling

[FarrIL]

Yeah, yeah Marc. We all know my butt was QUITE warm after that beating Lisa delt me. =3

FierceCritter: What your grandmother said, I'd be thoroughly pissed off. And no worries about breaking me in half. That doesnt happen. ^_^ It was a definite pleasure finally meeting you that night too.

As for things I've actually said back to mother, I went so far as to be blunt about her looks. Mom, George and I were listening to the dialogue frm a Plastic Surgery show and they were talking about Lyposuction. My mother goes "That's it, I'm getting lyposuction to get rid of this belly." George was trying to deter her from those thoughts and she turns to me and she asked me what I thought, as a joke. I said "More power to ya, but in all honesty, you look a little pregnant."

She gasps in exasperation and says "Thanks Tara."

I said "Well, you asked, so I answered."

I am told I can be overly blunt.........

....... I am when I feel I need to be. ;P

[Brenda Starrr]

A parent's love is supposed to be unconditional. Not mean spirited like that. You're absolutely adorable, Tara. Your mom is a fool.

[FarrIL]

A parent's love is supposed to be unconditional. Not mean spirited like that. You're absolutely adorable, Tara. Your mom is a fool.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And a stubborn one at that. ><!!

[soothsayer]

It's hard to let such remarks roll off your back. These people clearly have issues with their own appearances and feel a need to pass off their dim view of themselves onto you.

[Scary Guy]

Being blunt is the only way to be. I'm not honist, I'm brutally honist.

Though I did hear of a theory that kids in school were mean because they wanted to help assimilate or conform the other children or "keep the other sheep looking like the rest of the flock" if you will. In a way I can see that with parents too sometimes. Not that it makes it right but I'm just saying...

[FarrIL]

But for me, I dont have a dim view of myself. I have a modest view.

They seem to think that leaves me open for attack.

In all honesty, I dont care what she thinks of me.

[Brenda Starrr]

Perfect.

[soothsayer]

In all honesty, I dont care what she thinks of me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Never lose that attitude - if someone doesn't like the way you look I say tell 'em to fuck right off. They're just insecure.

[FarrIL]

Never lose that attitude - if someone doesn't like the way you look I say tell 'em to fuck right off. They're just insecure.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would tell them to F*ck off, but then I'd get reprimanded and possibly 'grounded' for swearing at mother in the presence of my stepdad. After all, he's a Devoutie

[Msterbeau]

After all, he's a Devoutie

Is that someone that likes Devo?

[Lilith]

HMPH well i am in an odd place with this one. I have kids and i worry about them being over weight and i often talk about healthy food and keeping busy to keep weight low. I dont make my kids work out and normally let them just about what ever they want with in reason. Latley i have noticed my oldest has gotten a bit of extra weight, and i know this might be from the fact eh should be starting puberty soon and often kids get "fat" befor and during but ultimatley end up leveling off as they get close to being finished. I have had talks with al lthree of mine about how eating to many snacks, fast food, candy will make them fat and have recently enforced strict Fruit or veggy only snacks with the occasional candy treat here n there.

Parents in general dotn want there kids to be over weight, parents know thay may get teased, may be unhealthy and may never develope good eating/activity habits.

Often parents dont realize when they hurt there kids feelings, just like a S.O. or friend does not allways realize. Just liek with your friends and SO's you may just have to calmly expalin exactly how you feel with out any sarcasm. Have you ever just tried to say mom and sis, it hurts when................, i am not the two of you and i am happy with me and i am prepared for any consequences that occur. Please stop and if you are really that worried invite me to work out with you dont make fun of me and grab my chubb, i do not find it funny.

Often the communication between parent and kids need work just like the communication in many marriages. Why do parents and kids never really work on it? Well kids are normally not used to speaking with parents as friends, and as you grow it is important for you to find some friendly level wit htem to be able to disscuss issues such as this and the many more to come. You as a child have to learn to assert your adultness in a respectful manor and hopefully the parents will regonize that and validate it by listening to your concerns and tryig to accomidate them.

Parents also need to learn as there kids grow up they loose control and if they dont try to take on some sort of friendship withtere kids they will end up loosing them some how.

Parents can be wrong too, the trick is to check them in a respectful way and try to get them to see they need ot see you as a person and not just the child they had to control for so long.

[Daevion]

family is a tricky thing...sometimes you just want to beat them with a stick

FarrILL there is nothing wrong with the way you look...they cut you down because women are catty, jealous, petty and insecure( some, not all ) so they say that to make themselves feel better or simply because they want to be cruel....why do you think that some women can't stand having friends that they think are better looking than them? I think that many if not most women secretly hate each other even if they put on a show of getting along on the surface.

[Lilith]

i just wanted to add, that I would hope mom n sis are just trying to be helpful as their standard and many others standard of normal is based on what is flashed on the tv etc..., and they are going about it the wrong way. I am in no way sticking up for them just saying perhaps they don’t realize there approach is hurtful.

People have different opinions of what is healthy and what is not; the fact may be your sis n mom would see any one at that weight as unhealthy and they are just wishing "better" for you. Also keep in mind, as you mentioned your mom is over weight, she very well just might be trying to save you from some of the exact same hurt she has endured because of a weight problem. Perhaps she is wishing for you to have more will power, perhaps she just know she is unhappy with her body and would like to weigh X so you must be as well because parents often forget that there kids grow up and become there own person and it is okay for them to be different and make mistakes. I also think parents forget it is okay for your child to be hurt, it is real part of life that they have to go through to grow as a person. I think if she could be direct with her actual experience and perhaps telling you stories/her feelings it might impact you in a more beneficial manor. She might not even consciously realize it either. I often find my self "over reacting" to a problem with my kids and then lestat will "check" me and i will think it over and realize I was reacting the same way my mom did with me or something, I then think about how I felt, and then I feel like a dumb ass cause I should have known better, I apologize and try very hard to get back to the actual problem and re address it in a "better" way, And finally try not to do it again. Parents often go about doing things the wrong way with the best of intent even when it comes out of no where or is a repetitive thing, then they often wonder why as there children have lost touch with them as they have grown and they have no idea why. Kids often also don’t know why they have lost touch and wish that those years could be regained, it really does take two people to make any relationship work and some times it is work, sometimes even when you shouldn't have to, you have to make the first move and change they way you approach them, present them with your thoughts and hurt. Ask them directly and seriously why they do this to you. Find out if the way they behave on this issues is from something they themselves have pent up inside or if they are just being nasty.

You cant hardly tell them to fuck off they are your parents so perhaps sitting with them and trying to speak with them as you would address conflict with a good friend or S.O. might help resolve some of the issue if not ultimately all. It may not change a thing but at least you know you tried.

I guess i just see things differently and I understand the hurt nasty words from your parent can hurt and you want to tell them to fuck off, but in the same turn i know that saying fuck off isn’t always the answer, as I know what an empty void it can leave. I have also learned it really never hurts to stop and look at your self and see what you can do to make each situation better, if you are not doing everything you can possibly think of to make it better then you are equally at fault as the person doing the "wrong". ( I learned that from lestat).

I just want you to know I am on your side, it think it is wrong, I just know being angry, hurt or what ever will not make it better, saying fuck you will not make it better, and well you cant expect them to make it better, especially if they don’t even realize exactly how they are making you feel or why they cant stop doing such things to you. Sometimes giving in/doing the leg work to get the ball rolling can make things look brighter for you in the end.

Other then that I think you have the right amount of chub in all the right places, or at least from what I can tell in your pics, and in my experience people look way better in person then in there pics so I can just imagine how RIGHT it all is. :whistling

[FarrIL]

I dont know how much my mother weighs exactly, but I remember that before she got married to my stepdad, she weighed a little less than I do now. She was a twig.

Now, like I said, she walks around and looks like she's pregnant. That cant be so as she's had that organ removed after she had me.

ANYWAY, I've already told her that the people she sees in magazines and TV adds are all airbrushed like woah. All it is is mere Image Manipulation and that I would have no part in it. (( One thing I'd want to do as a model is keep all my photos "virgin" or un-edited..... I make it a strict rule )).

Mother is stressed over bills, constantly, she smokes, drinks too much pop, etc. The stress, the smoking and the caffeine are all having this negative effect on her all at once, so I am thinking that while she thinks she's being cute in grabbing my belly or poking/pinching it, she doesnt comprehend that she isnt being tactful. So there fore I wasnt being tactful either in what I said to her as mentioned in a post above.

(( After all, nicotine alters the way the mind thinks ))

My mother is stubborn. I already know I dont want to end up like her, therefore I live my life differently than she does. I'm laid back, she is not. I feel that things work out the way you want them to, when you want them to. She struggles, as does my stepdad, who's also out of shape.

They dont get out enough because they're too busy worrying about bills or work.....

..... I dont work enough and dont have any but ONE bill to pay. Hell, I'd still be physicaly active, even if I did have bills and a job that made me work more. If I was stuck at home all day, I'd be dancing, taking a break, dancing some more. Weekends are meant for fun, are they not? These two dont even get out enough on the weekends.

Pretty much, all these two do is make excuses as to why they dont stay active enough.... stress, so tired, work, bills, etc.

Mind you, a few weeks ago, mother was going out every night and doing a mile+ walk with a neighbor.

Umm..... I think she lost her interest. <<;

[soothsayer]

It's a mighty touchy situation you have here.