How Nice Is Too Nice

[predaking]

I'v been looking for a way to ask people this question...

awhile back my brother and I discussed being "too nice", he says that I fall in this catagory.

I reply "bite me ass!" the snap is laughed off but he still insists that its true, my mother gets in ont the convo and agrees with my brother!?

somthing made me think about it tonite so... the cat now wants to know what is "too nice"? I want to know what the hell kinda crazy speak their talking.

[torn asunder]

"too nice" = "don't be a pushover", imo...

[Destroit]

"too nice" = "don't be a pushover", imo...

Yeah, and those people who are creepy-nice. Where they're always smiley alllll the time and giving you things and buying stuff for you. I mean all that is well and good here and there, but it gets kinda weird when there's those people that do it constantly.

[Nienna]

Especially when it comes to women. Don't be a total ass, but definately have some backbone. I get bored if a guy is too easy.

[SuZQZ]

I fall into the too nice category. For me, it means putting others needs/wants/feelings before my own too easily and all too often. I'm working on becoming a little (more) selfish and less of a push over/door mat for my own sake and sanity.

[Msterbeau]

Have an opinion and stick to it. Unless you're clearly wrong.

[predaking]

thanx, ok so I was right.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Your MOTHER says you're too nice?

How is that possible?!?!?

Was it also your mom who said that you had a mean face, or was that someone else?

Cuz if that's the case, I wouldn't get her squat for mother's day.

[Onyx]

I have noticed that usually discussions like this degenerate into "All women are bitches" or "All men are assholes". It works both ways. (and I'm generalizing here - this is not directed to any one person).

To me, there are a couple of issues when someone asks that.

First of all, there are those who do put others needs before their own until they have nothing left to give and it becomes a very boring relationship. Take care of yourself first. If you don't you will nave nothing left to give and you'll eventually even bore yourself. It's only a matter of time before the "giver" becomes resentful. Not a way to have any kind of relationship for sure.

Then there are the women (and men) who actually seem to seek out assholes and bitches. Too bad they don't date each other. Usually they find a willing victim who then whines to everyone how all men are assholes or all women are bitches - ends the relationship and then ends up in another just like it. Shampoo, rinse and repeat.

A person could stop dating immature bitches and date someone more mature (and maturity has nothing to do with age more often than not) and find someone who is balanced and has more self respect to date an abuser or to abuse someone else. Not easy to find but there are good people around. Nobody can make you feel inferior or mistreat you unless you let them. Just walk away and find someone who appreciates you or take a break for awhile and do what you want to do for a change. Why even bother with a relationship at all if you aren't enjoying it?

Of course, if one actually likes dating unbalanced mentally ill people there is is sure fire way to get lots of these types of dates. I hear serial killers get lots of marriage proposals from these types in prison.

[Fierce Critter]

Sigh.

Be nice.

But be confident.

Don't be a pussy.

Know the difference between being confident & strong vs being overbearing, commanding & demanding.

I can't stand guys who give answers like, "whatever" and "sure" and "I don't care." Give thought to decisions and give answers like, "No" "yes" "definitely" and "I'd prefer..."

Don't believe in "old fashioned" values like chivalry? Don't believe in holding open the door for the woman? Fine. But don't make the woman wear the pants all the fucking time.

If you get off on that sort of thing, and she gets off on dominating the fuck out of you, go for it.

But if you just want a normal, middle-of-the-road type of chick, learn how to be INVOLVED in decision making, and how to involve HER.

A lot of it boils down to just that - decision making.

I've got lots of experience it seems with guys who are "nice." I LOVE a nice guy. I don't love a guy who constantly takes a backseat in life. Stand up for your fucking self so I can feel confident in your presence.

Sigh. I get SO FUCKING SICK of the "nice guys finish last" conversations, just as Onyx warns.

I'm a strong, confident woman who has some old-fashioned values. I can fucking stand up for myself and make decisions and run my life fine, thanks. I want a guy who CAN DO THE SAME. I think most women of intelligence want the same thing. Don't believe the myth that women want mean guys.

Women who like overbearing, over-possessive, demanding, brutal assholes are weak, spineless wimps with no self-worth.

/rant

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

People like People who make them feel proud in their presence. Like... "This beautiful woman/man loves ME." and when I say beautiful, I don't mean just in a physical sense. "They don't NEED me, they WANT me."

Words are failing me...

You be nice in every way you can that does not put your needs second. If your needs and his/hers clash in some way... you can't just roll over and expose your belly. Sometimes you go with theirs and sometimes you go with yours, but most of the time you find something in between.

If your constantly giving in to everyone else's needs, when do you get what you need? Not forgetting what you want.

It's a balance though... knowing when to give and when to take.

They always say that being in a relationship is a choice you make everyday. Sometimes you have to choose to say "No, I want/need... "

Like... open the door for the lady... but don't run across the parking lot to do it.

[Steven]

Sigh.

Be nice.

But be confident.

Don't be a pussy.

Know the difference between being confident & strong vs being overbearing, commanding & demanding.

I can't stand guys who give answers like, "whatever" and "sure" and "I don't care." Give thought to decisions and give answers like, "No" "yes" "definitely" and "I'd prefer..."

Don't believe in "old fashioned" values like chivalry? Don't believe in holding open the door for the woman? Fine. But don't make the woman wear the pants all the fucking time.

If you get off on that sort of thing, and she gets off on dominating the fuck out of you, go for it.

But if you just want a normal, middle-of-the-road type of chick, learn how to be INVOLVED in decision making, and how to involve HER.

A lot of it boils down to just that - decision making.

I've got lots of experience it seems with guys who are "nice." I LOVE a nice guy. I don't love a guy who constantly takes a backseat in life. Stand up for your fucking self so I can feel confident in your presence.

Sigh. I get SO FUCKING SICK of the "nice guys finish last" conversations, just as Onyx warns.

I'm a strong, confident woman who has some old-fashioned values. I can fucking stand up for myself and make decisions and run my life fine, thanks. I want a guy who CAN DO THE SAME. I think most women of intelligence want the same thing. Don't believe the myth that women want mean guys.

Women who like overbearing, over-possessive, demanding, brutal assholes are weak, spineless wimps with no self-worth.

/rant

God this was perfect.

Critter - Im copying and pasting this so I can use it tonight in my marriage in crisis class - seriously.

this summerized the basic's of men and women so perfectly - especially this aprt right here: "I don't love a guy who constantly takes a backseat in life. Stand up for your fucking self so I can feel confident in your presence."

Thats it right there. Men - be freaking men allready.

A woman needs to be confident that her partner....is a leader, someone who handles his business and is and likewise confident - because she's generally wired that way. That does not make her weaker in any sense, in fact - her "sensitivity" and instincts slip perfecty in between the spaces where us menfolk love to bi-pass the obvious (because hey - we do that). She's got good radar you Menz....how bout you listen to her? She may not be as strong as you or as fierce as you (then again she may) but I'd bet dollars to donuts that shes far more tuned in than you.....and thats actually a pretty important strength....one that you might not have.

So your mom says your too nice?

what did Mom teach you by way of example? (ask her)

what did your father teach you by way of example? (ask him)

Because here is what YOU teach others every day: How they can or cannot treat you.

it has nothing to do with "nice", and never has, we confuse and misuse that word. I'm nice. I'm sweet. I'm chivalrous. But do not disrespect me, do not disregard me, do not attempt to overpower me, do not "dismiss" me. In the process I praise you, honor you, lift you up publically, respect you, protect you.

and when you do find yourself in a good relationship - never (never) let anybody disrespect or cause her harm. Anybody who ever makes the mistake of setting their sites on Laura gets ME in technicolor instead. I'm not saying Lola is incapable, in fact far from it - I amire my wife's spirit and wisdom. But she always knows in the end that no matter what I am there for her if and when she needs me. You'd be suprised how a woman will respond to you and your own needs when she KNOWS her's (needs) are of the utmost importance to you and that she's protected.

[Head Wreck]

i lack confidence.

i am to nice

i've been chewed up and spat out too many times.

cant see what the fuss is with "MUST ALLWAYS BE WITH SOMEONE", its silly.

a persons right for you or thier not.

recently my thoughts have been 80% with a girl in work, she makes me smile but she clearly sees me as a friendly work aquaintance and thats it. not going to wierd out that situation. because i'm to nice and dont want to make her uneasy and unsure of mys3elf i'll necver know.

its my lot in life

[Homicidalheathen]

being a doormat. Letting people borrow money and not pay it back......letting people treat you like crap more than once.

I, have doormat syndrome......but I am getting better.

[hunhee]

I think it all boils down to this one saying "confidence is sexy"

Women want to be with someone who sees himself as confident. You don't actually HAVE to be confident, but you can pretend it till you are it. As the saying goes "fake it till you make it" and I'm seriously not saying lie to yourself, I'm saying you gotta pump yourself up. It's like that Gordon Smally guy when he says "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit people like me!"

That may sound silly to you at first, but it really does help in the confidence building.

It's not that your too nice, you just lack confidence in your own self worth. You don't have to love yourself, you just have to have a working understanding of yourself. Accentuate the positives and down-play the negatives.

This will help you in almost any aspect of your life.

This may sound easy to some, and that's great, but to some of us, this is very difficult. None of us are experts at anything when we first start something, others of us, just have a natural incling to doing something. Some of us, need a helping hand. The hardest thing to do is realize you need this helping hand and ask for it.

[Steven]

Oh please. You are seriously going to tell me that anyone would say "sure, that guy is mature, but this one makes me come seven ways from sunday" and not pick the one that is good in bed instead?

I didint see anybody making a case for maturity.

but since your on that trail....maturity can motivate you to learn how to make her come seven ways from sunday because yrou not such a dumb ass that you cannot learn. Im good in bed, but Im good out of bed too...trust me it counts.

[Onyx]

Oh please. You are seriously going to tell me that anyone would say "sure, that guy is mature, but this one makes me come seven ways from sunday" and not pick the one that is good in bed instead?

Immature men are often really clumsy selfish lovers.

They are often the ones who brag about being good in bed too and don't know the first thing about foreplay or pleasing their partner.

[Steven]

Immature men are often really clumsy selfish lovers.

They are often the ones who brag about being good in bed too and don't know the first thing about foreplay or pleasing their partner.

What she said

[Steven]

I guess it is wrong to mistake niceness for maturity. I know a lot of nice people who are very immature and some mature people like myself who are, in fact, kind of snarky bitches.

I have heard from a few girls that I've met, and I am not exaggerating, "sure, he is nearly thirty, still lives with his parents, plays video games all day and doesn't have a real job... but he's NICE!"

Which is probably only slightly better than the other justification: "he's got a huge cock", which has also been the conclusion of the previous claim.

Sorry that I am distending this topic a little further than it was meant, but girls settling for pathetic men is way, way too common.

man.

you peoplez are something else.

and I dont even have a big dick.

[Homicidalheathen]

You marry the good guy and fuck the loser on the side that is good in bed lol

Oh please. You are seriously going to tell me that anyone would say "sure, that guy is mature, but this one makes me come seven ways from sunday" and not pick the one that is good in bed instead?

[Hellion]

I guess it is wrong to mistake niceness for maturity. I know a lot of nice people who are very immature and some mature people like myself who are, in fact, kind of snarky bitches.

I have heard from a few girls that I've met, and I am not exaggerating, "sure, he is nearly thirty, still lives with his parents, plays video games all day and doesn't have a real job... but he's NICE!"

Which is probably only slightly better than the other justification: "he's got a huge cock", which has also been the conclusion of the previous claim.

Sorry that I am distending this topic a little further than it was meant, but girls settling for pathetic men is way, way too common.

I 100% agree,LOL!

In this country its way too common,they seem to like ppl who have a court/jail issues,losers,shit if Saddam was still alive alot of ckicks would want him,LOL!!(being sarcastic)

[Daevion]

Ok, just follow Daevion's 7 steps too fast confidence and you will be just fine. Screw those self help books!

1. Tequila shot

2. another...

3. another...

4. keep going...

5 donnn't stop yeeetttt hahahaha

6. one morezzz!!!

7. Instant liquid confidence...at least you'll "feel" confident even if you arn't....theoretically anyway

Disclaimer:

Daevion will not be held responsible for DUI's, puking on people, bar fights, drooling...etc

[Head Wreck]

You marry the good guy and fuck the loser on the side that is good in bed lol

*sigh*

that happens more often than not

[saechalyn]

I have heard from a few girls that I've met, and I am not exaggerating, "sure, he is nearly thirty, still lives with his parents, plays video games all day and doesn't have a real job... but he's NICE!"

Yeah I have heard this to. Except replace "nearly thirty" with "over thirty"

And sometimes they're not so nice, as a matter of fact...Hmm.

I guess what I'm saying is, some people are just pathetic.

/threadjack.

[predaking]

Your MOTHER says you're too nice?

How is that possible?!?!?

Was it also your mom who said that you had a mean face, or was that someone else?

Cuz if that's the case, I wouldn't get her squat for mother's day.

yeah it was, crazy I know