Would you be able to do relationships, out of your own religion?

[Raev]

I was thinking about my situation recently. I never openly speak about my own religious/spiritual beliefs but I do have some. How I live my life and how some of the things I do are in complete opposition to some of the beliefs of others. Case in point - my obsession with bacon. It got me wondering, could I be in a relationship with a woman - who had aspects in opposition to my own?

Furthermore....without it being such an extreme. For you vegetarians/vegans, could you be in a relationship with a man/woman who loved meat?

How open minded are we? How much difference can we really handle?

[taysteewonderbunny]

I think it's possible, for some of us. Az and liljrockbunny have been together since 1994. He describes himself as a carnivore (he's not fond of vegetables) and she's vegetarian, yet she does all the cooking, regularly preparing his very bloody steaks. Spook and I have been dating since February (quasi, officially since March) and not only are we on opposite sides of the political spectrum (I'm practically a socialist and he's a libertarian), but we differ in our religious beliefs as well (I'm atheist, he's Lutheran).

Edited September 5, 2009 by taysteewonderbunny

[Rev.Reverence]

...can work...not a great idea.

.....more later.....perhaps.

[Guest Megalicious]

...can work...not a great idea.

.....more later.....perhaps.

I have to agree with Rev here.

If we are talking making a life with someone who lacks the same core belief as I do - it would never work for me personally.

There are exceptions of course - look at Bean and E for example

I think it all depends to. I myself am an Atheist and being so my first question to a possible SO is if they follow a faith. Its important to me to be involved with someone who Atheist as well -for obvious reasons.

But others that do have a religion they follow, though it may not be the same religion as there SO, still believe in higher power and can relate to the SO's feelings of faith in "something". I myself do not have this feeling and empathy towards religion, so it would be impossible for me to share a life with such a person.

I am not saying it doesn't work ( as I gave an example for ) but personally for me, it just can't. It's not a matter of being open minded. I have very few Atheist friends actually. It's just a matter of knowing what I want, knowing what works for me, and what doesn't work.

As for the little differences in a relationship, if the person is worth the effort to integrating things that "bother" me on some level, into my life, it does't matter much. There are always going to be things that I don't agree with in someone else I care for, but that doesn't mean I can't accept them and respect those wishes and beliefs.

The core beliefs I have, not so much.

[GOTHIKA]

i believe it can work even if your backgrounds are completely different from each other

[Enishi]

I think that a person's outward beliefs are not necessarily the same as their "inner" personality/beliefs. Different people can have different thoughts and emotions influencing those outward beliefs, and those inner elements of their personality might be more compatible than the outward elements.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I think that a person's outward beliefs are not necessarily the same as their "inner" personality/beliefs. Different people can have different thoughts and emotions influencing those outward beliefs, and those inner elements of their personality might be more compatible than the outward elements.

I agree with you. Very well put. My ex-husband and I had, outwardly, highly compatible beliefs, but our personalities and core values were actually always in conflict with each other. He did many things he thought were justified that I thought were highly immoral and we were never emotionally on the same page. Yet, we were both liberal/socialist, atheist, performance poets, and fans of experimental fiction and philosophy. Since then, I have not ever dated someone with precisely the same belief system or interests as mine and have, even though the relationships weren't unending, found them to be more friendly and sustainable.

[TygerLili]

As far as religion/beliefs go, I think it depends on how much the beliefs differ, and how strong the convictions of the involved parties are. I consider myself agnostic, and most of the guys I've dated have been agnostic or atheists. I wouldn't be opposed to dating someone with faith, as long as he was respectful of my beliefs, and didn't see me as someone lacking faith who needed to be converted. I can only remember dating one religious guy, and it didn't work because he wanted to get married and have children right away and I didn't. I honestly don't know how much our religion played into that.

As for the question about vegetarians and meat eaters, I see no problem with it. I am a vegetarian, and none of the guys I've ever dated were. I won't prepare meat, but if they want to cook something with meat, or order it when we're in a restaurant, I don't care. I would probably have a problem with a "meat and potatoes" guy who never wanted to try anything else, but luckily I've never encountered that. Most of them have been very willing to try the things I cook, and choose restaurants that have things that we can both enjoy.

It all goes back to open mindedness, and I couldn't date anyone who wasn't open-minded, regardless of any of the other stuff.

[pomba gira]

It all goes back to open mindedness, and I couldn't date anyone who wasn't open-minded, regardless of any of the other stuff.

That's about it. If someone is a hardcore (i.e. intolerant) whatever, or feels called on to proselytize, then we aren't even going to get to the "dating" point. If I get along with this person and there is mutual attraction and respect, then the details of their spiritual/religious beliefs are a pretty secondary matter. Good people are good people no matter what their beliefs are.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

as I have no religion, I do as often as not.

[Enishi]

Open mindedness and respect is what a lot of it comes down to methinks. I've known people who agreed with me on just about everything, but made a huge "NO YOU ARE WRONG" deal over very small differences in opinion.

[Fidget(+)]

I think it can work as long as both people are not over the top with it. The gf and I seem to be doing fine with it. Shes religious and I'm atheist but I still attended a church type event to support her. Just because people have different beliefs doesn't mean they aren't compatible or good people. I just ask people not to preach there beliefs at me and I wont at them.

[candyman]

I have never been able to work it out with someone that IS the same as me. We can be friends but a closer relationship is out of the question. We always have little fights about the little crap and that always ends up badly. Little fights don't force you to look into your relationship very deeply and don't often end in making up. Most of the good relationships I have had were with people that were different than me...not complete opposites but it was the vegan vs. my love of meat...star wars vs. star trek...even completely opposite musical tastes. There is someone on this board that knows exactly what I mean but she NEVER shows up because her and computer never really got along...but I will tease her about being vegan until she shows up to fight me about it.

[dragonluv]

I think it can work as long as both people are not over the top with it. The gf and I seem to be doing fine with it. Shes religious and I'm atheist but I still attended a church type event to support her. Just because people have different beliefs doesn't mean they aren't compatible or good people. I just ask people not to preach there beliefs at me and I wont at them.

+) I agree with you Fidget. That is cool how how your support your gf.

[n0Mad]

If you love somebody, then you can respect them for their differences and support them. But if you can't do the latter, then you really don't have the former so of course it won't work out.

I love Calix not despite her differences, but because of them, and would never expect her to be anything other than what she is. I think we work out quite nicely. But, as Enishi said, while Calix and I are different on the outside, we have the same core beliefs that go beyond anything superficial like religion or politics and that is what really makes it work.

[creatureofthenyte]

If you love somebody, then you can respect them for their differences and support them. But if you can't do the latter, then you really don't have the former so of course it won't work out.

+123456789......infinity

[Slogo]

I dated a Baptist for 2.5 years (i'm agnostic btw). Most of the time we got along. Really the only times we didn't were if one of us had a friend over that was mean about it. As long as nobody tries to force anything upon me, i'm cool

[Joey Deadcat]

All my relationships have been like this. Difference of beliefs was never a factor.

[Msterbeau]

the hard part is when your personal convictions begin to lead you in a particular direction. if your life partner disagrees with that direction, or lacks the critical empathy that you perhaps may need to stay the course, then you have a void.

I think that's what Scott and Enishi were getting at. It depends what those core things are and how they interact with the other person's. Some of us are more attached to particular beliefs and habits and those are the areas where compatibility needs to be the strongest.

In my last relationship, I ended up breaking it off for seemingly less important reasons then topics like religion or politics. We were fine there. But she's quiet, and though I liked that about her sometimes... I ended up getting frustrated by it. It was a bit of an experiment for me (Not to belittle the relationship as nothing more then that... I was strongly attracted to her.) and it taught me some things about myself.

[StormKnight (1)]

It seems there is respect for beliefs, but when they get militant/in your face/try to convert you, things get dicey. There seems to be a trend that if the belief set is diametrically opposed, (one goes one way, one goes the other,) then that tends to cause tension.

I tend to respect beliefs of others, and tend to avoid the militant types as many have stated. Unfortunately, I tend to attract them in droves. (Come on, do I really look like I need soul salvation?!)

[AmieLamie]

I was thinking about my situation recently. I never openly speak about my own religious/spiritual beliefs but I do have some. How I live my life and how some of the things I do are in complete opposition to some of the beliefs of others. Case in point - my obsession with bacon. It got me wondering, could I be in a relationship with a woman - who had aspects in opposition to my own?

Furthermore....without it being such an extreme. For you vegetarians/vegans, could you be in a relationship with a man/woman who loved meat?

How open minded are we? How much difference can we really handle?

I am a vegetarian and I am in a relationship with someone who loves meat.

It doesn't bother me much, and I don't try to change him.

So, I suppose that I'm open minded in that sense.

[Shade Everdark]

What religion?

[Oh_My_Goth]

I will not date an Atheist... I have tried in the past & it just doesn't work for Me.. My spiritual beliefs go from outside, down to Me core. I just can't seem to "feel" an atheist, it's like there is nothing there between us & I require a deep spiritual bond with people I am to be with.

Now food-wise I don't really care, I say eat what's good for you... But if they don't like bacon.. I may have an issue

[Shade Everdark]

I will not date an Atheist... I have tried in the past & it just doesn't work for Me.. My spiritual beliefs go from outside, down to Me core. I just can't seem to "feel" an atheist, it's like there is nothing there between us & I require a deep spiritual bond with people I am to be with.

Now food-wise I don't really care, I say eat what's good for you... But if they don't like bacon.. I may have an issue

It's not so much that there's nothing there between you and the prospective atheist, it's that there is just nothing there.

Bunch of soulless bastards, we are.

Kinda the way we like it.

[Oh_My_Goth]

It's not so much that there's nothing there between you and the prospective atheist, it's that there is just nothing there.

Bunch of soulless bastards, we are.

Kinda the way we like it.

I love y'all anyhoo