GothicRavenGoddess

🫂🫂🫂 welcome back

If anyone is near Jackson, MI and wants/needs an in person conversation, I’m game. Just give me a day to make plans and inform housemates ♥️

I’m so sad. I just found out via Facebook this morning.

Thank you for keeping us up to date. I’d like to go if they are allowing a friends gathering instead of just a close family thing.

I found out about @Troy Spiral because someone else posted about it on Facebook. I’m in shock. Confused and heartbroken. lots of mixed feelings

Oh gosh, the og post was finally retired. so weird to think this place has been around so long. i miss it here, I miss the activity of it. i guess I’m feeling nostalgic lol also kinda down. Though I think it’s because I’m a bit touch starved and will be for a long time because I’m immunocompromised and can’t risk the exposure... 🤔

Kinda useless and wayward...

I'm doing ok...

Anyways. How I feel today is "ok". My pain is pretty moderate despite my knees and ovaries hurting. So my general mood is pretty neutral. On a more specific level, I'm excited about visiting a friend. And while visiting said friend I will be helping them sort through all the things they brought from CA. It's my old roommates so some of it is mine and my fiance's. Maybe I will find more yarn so I can make more hats and scarves to sell lol Also feeling a little antsy because fiance is staying home and I know I will miss him. I will be gone for a few days lol

His gf was a long distance relationship. I talk to the guy everyday and he sounds pretty suicidal. He hasn't asked for any money or any help. While I have no doubt people lie on the internet, I believe him, because he hasn't asked for help.

I am worried. A friend of mine, through a game app, has found himself suddenly homeless. He lives in South Africa.. and while he was at school his parents just sorta up and moved away... He's 17. And two days ago, his gf was killed in a car accident. He isn't doing so hot and I am very very worried about him. :( I'm sad and scared for this kid. :(

Ok. Kinda lightheaded. But it will pass. Generally... yeah, I'm ok. Kinda sad and depressed, but like... I don't know how to describe it. Anyways, I hope everyone else is ok. And if not, I hope they are soon.

Sad. Very very very sad.... I have a friend who I consider my little sister. she called last night and told me her cousin had passed that morning. he was only 16. It was his birthday. It was very sudden, and no one knows why. They think it was his heart, and the family hopes he went in his sleep. he didn't do drugs or smoke. They are having an autopsy done to get answers. I hadn't seen him since he was an itty bitty thing, but he adored me and I loved that kid. my heart breaks for them... And I sobbed ugly tears when I found out. :( This year can go fuck itself.

I don't know if "hopeful" is the right word here, but that is what comes to mind when ontry to name how infeel. I saw a friend yesterday and it felt good. I missed her. I also feel a little sad. my birthday is coming up, and also christmas, and it makes me miss Ryuu. 3 years later and it still isn't any easier. different. But not easy.

I really hope everyone makes it to wherever it is they plan to go over the next few days. weather is suppose to get bad in a few areas. Feeling worried and concerned.

Update (or back story, I guess) on my back: I have had lordosis since before i hit double digits. It was never diagnosed because I hit puberty at 9 and they just blamed my body changing on how my back was shaped. I read my mom's nursing books when I was 10 and you know that moment of clarity when things click in your mind and all the dots connect? Yeah. that happened. For YEARS, I tried to get Drs to listen. I havent been able to lay flat since my early 20s. I have to sleep with my knees bent so my hips are angled correctly, because the curve is so dramatic. It hurts A LOT to try and lay flat. Fast forward to 2013. I had a really nasty allergic reaction to some antibiotics. It presented like meningitis. seriously. all the symptoms. They go to do a spinal tap and they cant! They lay you on the bed, on your side, and tell you to curl up as tight as you can, in the fetal position. they stick the needle in between L1 and L2 and are done. only... It didn't happen that way. the dr hit bone. And because I was overweight, he thought he had to go in hard. he hit my back so hard, my whole body tensed up and I blew my IV.... 6 feet of blood in under 10 seconds. No joke. I almost broke my roommate's hand, and the stupid ass dr grazed the nerve for each hip digging around trying to get to my spinal cord. I still have hip issues in my left side. My roommate stopped the dr and told him to try something else. I had to have it done under an Xray. i was stuck 6 more times, before they got it. They got it by going in at an angle, near where the spinal cord ends. I was finally diagnosed with lordosis. I still have pain from where the first dr hit the bone so hard. sometimes it hurts to stretch. It it always hurts to be touched there. I had a migraine for a month and half. I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time. I had to shower sitting down or I'd pass out. if someone didn't bring me food, I didnt eat, because the walk to the kitchen was too far. I went to a back specialist before moving to CA. he looked at an xray I had done 4 years prior because of pain. They told me I was fine and to lose some weight. The back specialist... first words out of his mouth when he walks in... before he even introduced himself... says to me "so it looks like you have some arthritis in your back". --- I won't go into the rest. But I have had progressive back issues for the majority of my life. Now I have a progressive degenerative condition in both knees. advanced in my left. almost advanced in my right. diagnosed this year. they grind very loudly, when I walk. Sorry this is so long.. Just... no one knows all this stuff unless they found my Tumblr in my early days after the spinal tap. It isn't to throw it in anyone's face who has wished me well on my earlier posts. believe me, I appreciate it. I use to post on Facebook and on here years ago and was met with "please stop you make us feel helpless". - or they didn't believe me. I deal with A LOT. And talking about it helps. I don't expect people to help or to pity or even to read. just knowing someone else knows my pain and struggle helps. I'm tired of being told to keep it to myself because no one wants to hear the whining. I'm tired of suffering in silence. I want people to know, who suffer too, that they aren't alone. And keeping with this post so I'm not 100% off topic.. I feel tired, hungry, and frustrated. there is so much going on in my life. recovering from homelessness is hard and paying our bills is even harder. I am lonely and isolated. I have one local friend and I can barely see her because of my pain. And everyone else I know lives at least an hour or more away. Anyways. this wasn't suppose to be a blog post. I'm sorry it's so long.

i think the bones in my back are shifting again (i have lordosis). my lower back is in more pian than i ever remember it being in. having my knees bent isnt reangling my pelvis the way it should. I am physically incapable of laying flat. I am feeling discouraged.

Sad, for my friends. several have lost pets recently. :/

Watch more Sabrina the Teenage Witch, on Hulu.

*sigh* How I am feeling is very complicated. lots of conflicted feelings swirling around. this month is hard on me. I've posted about it on Facebook.... this month, and this year, marks 13 years... if I'd have been a mom 13 years ago... and it's a heavy feeling. Between my health and my lack of money... I know i am better off to not have had them. But it still hurts, because that might have been my only chance. We are broke. And it makes me feel like shit that I can't do anything to fix it. Feeling not good enough. my hats don't sell. And all I do is fucking complain because it's all I got left. Now I'm feeling... pathetic...

Teespring! I think that's what it's called. they print the design, people buy it. But I think there is a minimum requirement? look into it. they have many options. hoddie, shirts, tanks, etc. And sizes up to 5x, I believe.... but.... they run from like $25 and up. It might be a start. Honestly, diy- ing a screenprinter and some ink/paint, and whatever you wanna print on... might be way cheaper. tie- dye companies sell clothing in bulk. I wonder if it would be possible to find someone who does 3d printing for the bat in the center? I'm not as helpful as I am trying to be... I'm having an insomnia flair and I've been up a while...

Welcome!

Inadequate and exhausted. the season's are changing and it's affecting my whole system. so each illness takes a turn flaring. don't get much done, these days. It's frustrating. ...so also frustrated lol