chix with dix

[Cemetarystarr]

Okay, here's the deal...

Last night i was hanging with this guy that i had been seeing for a little while when he totally blew me out of the water. I we had gone out a few times and always had a lot of fun, but it never got physical and i just ASSumed that he was being a gentleman, based off how sweet he is. We go back to his house after the show and he tells me i am more than welcome to stay over since i had been drinking a little and it was snowing.

So he says he'll take the couch and i can have his bed, so feel free to get completely comfortable and sleep how ever i want. I take off my pants and my bra and crawl in bed in my t-shirt and panties. He sits next to me and is checking his email and talking to me.... Heres the problem.....he starts telling me all about how he doesn't want to be single anymore, and how he's sick of not getting laid, and asking my opinion as to why he can't find a nice girl......now last time i checked I AM A GIRL!!!!!!!!! PLUS I AM SITTING IN HIS BED PRACTICALLY HALF NAKED!!!! So i made a comment that i liked him and his response was pretty much "your a friend and don't count"...... I don't understand this.....the couple times we went out he paid for me.....so i thought it was a date....and now he's telling me he could see me as his best friend..... am i doing something wrong??? am i that volitile? We have so much in common, and i really like him.....now i'm just hurt and kinda confused.....anyone have a suggestion?????

[Msterbeau]

Interesting. The good news is that he has good boundaries. The bad news is that he pretty much stated... you're a friend. Nothing more. Be his friend and move on as far as a romantic interest goes. You COULD try and convince him otherwise, but pushing that may mess up the friendship. Which is more valuable to you?

Fierce Critter and I discussed this at City Club last night. Ideally, your partner SHOULD be your best friend. But most people seem to want to segregate the two.

[Rayne]

Interesting.  The good news is that he has good boundaries.  The bad news is that he pretty much stated... you're a friend.  Nothing more.  Be his friend and move on as far as a romantic interest goes.  You COULD try and convince him otherwise, but pushing that may mess up the friendship.  Which is more valuable to you?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

^ I agree with Marc ^

There's nothing wrong with you. I've been through it, it does indeed suck.

In the end though, it all works out. You have a great friend there. Don't lose him.

[n0Mad]

Fierce Critter and I discussed this at City Club last night.  Ideally, your partner SHOULD be your best friend.  But most people seem to want to segregate the two.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wish I had been part of that conversation, but for the sake of one of my best friends, I'm kinda glad I wasn't. Although Marc, I'm sure you probably have a pretty good idea. You just seem intuitive that way.

Cemetarystarr - I can relate to you completely. You don't know how many times that has happened to me. On the flip side though, I suppose I've done that a few times myself and I have no defense and no excuses for it. Some things work, some things don't. I'm still trying to figure out why that is though. I have never broken up with anybody, I've always been the one to get dumped. Sure, there are things in relationships that I don't like, but I'm willing to work through them and focus on the good. So few people seem willing to work for things. On the other hand though (are five more fingers), so few people can see the obvious right in front of them and waste so much energy ignoring and/or denying it that it's frustrating.

I think I had a point I wanted to get to when I started all this, but I'm tired and have to leave for work like, now.

[Msterbeau]

I wish I had been part of that conversation, but for the sake of one of my best friends, I'm kinda glad I wasn't.  Although Marc, I'm sure you probably have a pretty good idea.  You just seem intuitive that way.

I hear ya. I've been exactly there too... =(

[Reaper]

Yep been there done that. No use trying to convert him if he sounds that adamant. BUt hell, in my evil senses, I would jump all over a woman who did that to me in my place. Hell its unheard of! I always have to initiate it and see if I fail or not.

[pharoh]

Ya I aggree with Reaper on that one, I would have to question his ummmm manhood in that aspect to at least not pursue your comment about liking him, but I'm a Dawg at heart lol.

[Scary Guy]

Part of me thinks he's as queer as a three dollar bill. Part of me thinks it could be he really just does see you as a friend or just doesn't want to persue a relationship with you for reasons obviously unknown to us. Could be he finds you unattrctive or he has some issue with your personality.

But there is nothing more annoying to me than hearing "I want to find a boyfriend" from a girl and be single. Apparently I have way too many "friends".

[Draco1958]

Some people will form a bond with someone that is so tight that they see the other more as family and can't cross over that boundary. It's an "I love you as a friend/like family so to cross over to a sexual relationship would feel wrong"I knew a lady I wanted to date, had known her for a while and we were tight, could talk about anything. When I approached her about going out on a date, she said I wish we could but you are like a brother to me and it wouldn't feel right. YOu and your friend may have the same situation and to him it would be like dating one's sister. I say approach him and try to discuss it, maybe once it's talked about, he will change his mind. Also it could be he's afraid it could ruin the close friendship between the 2 of you if a dating relationship didn't work out.

Okay, here's the deal...

  Last night i was hanging with this guy that i had been seeing for a little while when he  totally blew me out of the water.  I we had gone out a few times and always had a lot of fun, but it never got physical and i just ASSumed that he was being a gentleman, based off how sweet he is.  We go back to his house after the show and he tells me i am more than welcome to stay over since i had been drinking a little and it was snowing. 

  So he says he'll take the couch and i can have his bed, so feel free to get completely comfortable and sleep how ever i want.  I take off my pants and my bra and crawl in bed in my t-shirt and panties.  He sits next to me and is checking his email and talking to me....  Heres the problem.....he starts telling me all about how he doesn't want to be single anymore, and how he's sick of not getting laid, and asking my opinion as to why he can't find a nice girl......now last time  i checked I AM A GIRL!!!!!!!!!  PLUS I AM SITTING IN HIS BED PRACTICALLY HALF NAKED!!!!  So i made a comment  that i liked him and his response was pretty much "your a friend and don't count"...... I don't understand this.....the couple times we went out he paid for me.....so i thought it was a date....and now he's telling me he could see me as his best friend.....  am i doing something wrong??? am i that volitile?    We have so much in common, and i really like him.....now i'm just hurt and kinda confused.....anyone have a suggestion?????

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Msterbeau]

Pffft. I think the whole "It might ruin our wonderful friendship" line is just a mask for other issues. I would certainly agree that there are times where the nature of the relationship may have grown into something akin to family, which would make the thought of something romantic very awkward.

Pharoh and Scary Guy. I know you're kidding (I hope) but that was the "good boundaries" thing I was talking about. In his mind she was a friend, he doesn't sleep with friends. I'm not sure a lot of men would have been able to resist that situation. I give him props for doing so, if he didn't feel it was the right thing for him to do.

[Homicidalheathen]

I don't know why people are like this. I talked to a guy once, he had this weird thing about toes. I know, it's stupid. But he hated long, skinny, nardly toes. Well my one freind always wondered why they never got together. He told me it was her toes! I mean, they seemed a little larger than most to me but I couldn't really see it.

So whatever it is.....it is just him and trying to persue someone who just isn't into you makes you look like a fool.

Now finding a guy who really likes you as a freind and doesn't just want to *Uck you? I want me some more of that....pass it over here!

[Homicidalheathen]

Then again, he could be gay...I dunno. Was just thinking. Bi? Who knows what lurks beneath a mans belt or in his head. I don't think I want to know.

[Msterbeau]

Then again, he could be gay...I dunno.  Was just thinking.  Bi?  Who knows what lurks beneath a mans belt or in his head.  I don't think I want to know.

OK. This is really annoying. Why do people automatically presume he might be gay just because he won't sleep with a with a woman that he's not interested in???

[The_Dark]

He's male right? And your female? You were half naked in his bed and he was bitching about not being able to get laid.. you offered your self up... and he said no... Does he know he is gay?

Before anyone goes off about how wrong what I just said is... dont bother. I know how much it offends you and I don't care.

There is no such thing as a Man thinking of a woman as a friend. It's a myth/lie that men tell women to make them not feel like a pocket pussy that talks. All women fall into a scale of how fuckable they are. Most attractive women fall on the top end of that scale... Unfortunatly, you women want to be friends more often that you want to fuck. So, We men lower your "Fuckable Score" Once you do that, it's real hard for us to raise that score back up, because we know that at anytime, including just as the penis enters the vagina, you can decide we are just friends again.

And yeah, You lover is ideally your best friend... rare thing. I again, blame the females.

[The_Dark]

Marc, because men are men. We think about sex more than anything else... Our whole way of thinking revovles around getting laid. Our body chemistry drives us constantly to get laid. Denying it and claiming to be "sensative new age guy" doesn't at all change what you are.

[Scary Guy]

I don't really think he's gay, yeah I'm kidding (even though I never really do that at all, but it would help to explain things a bit lol).

As far as the family thing goes, tell that to the people in the southern states (and thats with actual "blood" kinn)

[Rayne]

In Marc's defense here, I think he is right.

Growing up around brothers and in a male dominated work field ... I'm friends with more men than women.

The dude has morals. Simple as that. And just because he has morals, doesn't mean he's gay!

Not all guys are chovanistic (spelling?) pigs. I'm surprised at the majority of guys here who have suggested it.

[Msterbeau]

Marc, because men are men. We think about sex more than anything else... Our whole way of thinking revovles around getting laid. Our body chemistry drives us constantly to get laid. Denying it and claiming to be "sensative new age guy" doesn't at all change what you are.

That's such a crock. You and I have brains and the ability to exercise self control. This guy used it and people here want to label him for it. Fuck that.

[HipsterDufus]

It could also be that there's just no physical attraction there (no offense intended, Cemetarystarr). I'll concede the point that men think about sex quite often, but back in my dating days, I had a couple offers of sex that I just had to turn down. Both were girls that I was just blatantly not attracted to. It happens. Just because guys think about sex, doesn't mean that they think about having sex with every single girl they meet.

[Msterbeau]

As far as the family thing goes, tell that to the people in the southern states (and thats with actual "blood" kinn)

I'm sooooo not going there in this thread... :blink

[Msterbeau]

It could also be that there's just no physical attraction there (no offense intended, Cemetarystarr).  I'll concede the point that men think about sex quite often, but back in my dating days, I had a couple offers of sex that I just had to turn down.  Both were girls that I was just blatantly not attracted to.  It happens.  Just because guys think about sex, doesn't mean that they think about having sex with every single girl they meet.

Good points.

[The_Dark]

Marc and Hipster,

Good points. We can overcome our urges, with great effort. Married men do it all the time with the women they encounter in thier day to day lives. I don't understand why a single man would though. I don't fault a man that does, I just don't understand why.

As for someone not being attractive... If she's attractive enough to be seen in public with, and attrative enough to be friends with... How is she not attractive enough to fuck?

[Head Wreck]

tbh. there are many hot women i consider a friend. and all to many times i have gotten involved with someone i thought i loved as in bf/gf relationships, but when i figure out it was just love for a friend it all goes sour.

i dont think he's gay, tbh, i just think he's more like myself, men CAN have women friends, sure theres the old animal instinct, but i tend to think more than feel, and in any case. if your pheramones dont twitch his hormones... does happen, like said, some women who are hot i just dont see it that way untill a guy friend comments. others i cant help myself around, pheramones such a smash that i get twitchy around (The Infamous Ms R Wright).

on his part, needs to quit bitching about it and do something about it, rather than confusing people and giving out wrong signals.

good that boundries are clear on him, cant call him dishonourable for that.

anyhow, thats just how i am. i am an oddity i find

[Brenda Starrr]

I have lots more male friends than female friends. They've never, ever pulled any moves on me, and I appreciate that. They know how much I love Wayne, and don't want to destroy our friendship for sex. I appreciate the respect that they give me in that aspect. Even when I was single, it went the same way. I've had this one friend, Greg, for over 20 years. About 5 years ago, we spent the night in the same bed, because I had too much to drink. Nothing happened. I appreciated the fact that he respected me. It meant a lot. No, he's not gay. He just knows how to respect boudaries.

[saechalyn]

I'm sorry you got confused by his mixed signals. It's happened to me too, more than once, and it sucks, but no there's nothing wrong with you. If you do decide to be his friend make sure you are doing it because you are okay with just being friends and aren't holding out for more.