The Hiders

[Hellion]

:devil This subject applies not only to girlfriend and boyfriend relationships; but also family and friendships. This is one thing that really annoys me and other friends that I hang out with. The problem is called the hider; For example have you ever been around anyone you know and you kinda sence there is something wrong with the person your hanging out with. They act like they are pissed off at you; but when you ask them they say "no". and keep on denying it until a problem occurs. Another example is when some your around with alot is always miserable but denies it. I have also dealt with one of my parents pulling this shit and other relatives. I guess I can never understand people anymore except for my friends; because they understand.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Its frustrating. I know many of us have done that or one time or another in their past, but people that do that as a regular matter of course are frustrating. They usually hurt people in the process, of what they view as just "keeping to themselves"

Its got to do with fear, unfortunately. Which, although it frustrates me , and i wish they wouldn't do that, i can understand. Something hopefully will happen to them or will trigger in them to stop it.

[Homicidalheathen]

I am an 'adult child' my phychologist says. We tend to hold in our shit and then explode later.

Please be patient with some people. We didn't learn how to process and deal with things normally as children and are trying....I should know. I do this.

:devil This subject applies not only to girlfriend and boyfriend relationships; but also family and friendships.  This is one thing that really annoys me and other friends that I hang out with. The problem is called the hider; For example have you ever been around anyone you know and you kinda sence there is something wrong with the person your hanging out with. They act like they are pissed off at you; but when you ask them they say "no". and keep on denying it until a problem occurs.  Another example is when some  your around with alot is always miserable but denies it. I have also dealt with one of my parents pulling this shit and other relatives. I guess I can never understand people anymore except for my friends;  because they understand.

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[Daevion]

"The Hiders" that sounds like a steven king movie

[JaneDead]

"The Hiders" that sounds like a steven king movie

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i agree. :laughing

"We tend to hold in our shit and then explode later"

-- i have done this to people and i always seem to hurt them in the end. other people i let them know it right as it is happening, but a random few have not known my true feelings until it was "too late" and i "let them have it" :tear

[Paper Hearts]

sounds like a band

[pomba gira]

I am an 'adult child' my phychologist says.  We tend to hold in our shit and then explode later.

Please be patient with some people.  We didn't learn how to process and deal with things normally as children and are trying....I should know.  I do this.

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This is also typical of people from violent or abusive families... they will try desperately to avoid outright conflict or confrontation because in their childhood experience, disagreements lead to violent situations. Once those behavior/reaction patterns are established, it takes a lot of conscious effort to unlearn them.

Sometimes just understanding why people act the way they do can help us find the patience to deal with them, and help them learn to trust others w/their anger and other scary feelings.

[Homicidalheathen]

Yah, I havn't been to my ACOA meetings in awhile and they really help me allot with my cognetive thinking disorder stuff. It is thursday nights at Church of Today at like 7pm in Warren on 11Ml near Hoover if anyone is a survivor like me and needs a check occasionally.

This is also typical of people from violent or abusive families... they will try desperately to avoid outright conflict or confrontation because in their childhood experience, disagreements  lead to violent situations.  Once those behavior/reaction patterns are established, it takes a lot of conscious effort to unlearn them. 

Sometimes just understanding why people act the way they do can help us find the patience to deal with them, and help them learn to trust others w/their anger and other scary feelings.

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[Fierce Critter]

My husband used to complain about this from me. We eventually worked out that I was basically afraid to broach difficult subjects with him because he had a tendency to get snappy or angry when I'd bring up issues.

That was very, very early in our relationship. Jon learned to discuss issues with me calmly & factually, and I learned to bring things up rather than hold them in and end up passive/aggressive.

[Vivian]

:devil This subject applies not only to girlfriend and boyfriend relationships; but also family and friendships.  This is one thing that really annoys me and other friends that I hang out with. The problem is called the hider; For example have you ever been around anyone you know and you kinda sence there is something wrong with the person your hanging out with. They act like they are pissed off at you; but when you ask them they say "no". and keep on denying it until a problem occurs.  Another example is when some  your around with alot is always miserable but denies it. I have also dealt with one of my parents pulling this shit and other relatives. I guess I can never understand people anymore except for my friends;  because they understand.

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ahhh shawn, i know just want you mean!!!

[capuchin]

I've been kinda bad about this up until recently. (Recently being the last six months.) Not so much doing the "oh nothing's wrong" if asked, but where the other person has no clue that anything is bugging me at all and then I kinda explode/quit/disappear etcetera. I don't mean to hurt people by doing this--it's just the opposite. I'd feel so guilty about criticizing the person that I wouldn't say anything until it really bothered me. Obviously, that's counterproductive in many situations (esp. since I'd feel much guiltier when I finally did explode ) so I've learned how to air the little gripes before it becomes a much bigger gripe...