If You Are Sad, How Do You Become Not So?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

If Your Sad... How do you become not sad anymore? Other than some good thing happening TO you, how do you, yourself cheer yourself up? The idea being rather than waiting around and hoping something good happens to force you out of the sadness. Do you have specific things that you try to do?

Since I've been around the block on this one , I'm sure like all of us have, I've tried various things, I'm curious what ideas you guys and gals may have. Sometimes we all can use a good idea , reminder or maybe just a way to pull ourselves up by the proverbial bootstraps.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

Remember:

Rock bottom is good solid ground

and a dead end is a good place to turn around...

i take comfort that I have friends that love and care about me...

when I am down, I write poetry, or a letter to a friend, or give advice....

I am at my best when I am down, and depressed.... I focus better when I am miserable, than when I am happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not always miserable... or so depressed that I am miserable, but depression fallows me everywhere I go....

I take pleasure in the little things in life. Hearing a baby laugh, makes me giggle... watching funny or amusing videos usually helps, too.. like typing "cute kittens" into YouTube usually does the trick.

Surrounding myself with good ppl, or talking to someone about what's bothering me....

Strangely, no matter his mood, hearing my boyfriend's voice, or seeing someone online that hasn't been, for a while and then sending them a message....

I get all giddy inside at the thought of calling my mom.... we are finally getting in a good place, and I like talking to her...

Talking about my dad, and my little brothers and sister....and talking about my past pets... I love animals...

That's what I do..

*hugs for Troy* You are so AWESOME!

[Steven]

turn your focus toward the needs of others and serve those needs to the best of your ability.

thats one of the main things that I love about my church - I give a great deal of my own personal time to it and or its recipients and the emotional payback is consistent and significant. In fact id go so far to say that when Im not giving back in some way - I tend to struggle emotionally and become overwhelemd much easier.

you dont have to do it thru church - thats just my way.

[nilhil_glory]

call up a random person on the phone with; you remind me of the babe... if they dont respond in the first 4 seconds... you say" the babe of the power" if they still dont respond after that 5 seconds continue with" the power of the voodoo you do" if they still dont respond to any of this just laugh and say a gobilin babe... and then break out singing dance magic dance

do something of pure absurdity

[Ice Queen (1)]

Oddly enough, listening to depressing music, it helps me get it out and get over it. When it's not so freezing cold; taking a walk, watching the clouds or stars. Working out is suppose to make you feel better, but if you are sad, it is hard to motivate yourself. Dressing up and looking really nice for no reason. Being around friends and family. Reminding myself that it is only temporary. Setting goals to improve my life, and taking the steps towards them. And I start with small, achievable goals, and little steps. Oh, and how can I forget, hugs. A good hug from a friend or loved one does a lot, and I am happy to provide hugs for those that need them.

Sometimes I am thankful for sadness, for how can you know and appreciate real joy, if you have not known real sorrow. I worry about closing myself off to the sadness and becoming numb, mostly because of the environment I work in. So, when I have had a particularly hard stretch at work and feel like I have closed myself off emotionally, I am actually relieved when feelings start creeping in.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I dance to sad music until I collapse.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

Going back to the helping others, mYSpace has this thing where you can "subscribe" to up to 60 ppl on your friends list... i love this new feature, because I have a REAL hard time focusing on anything, and it reminds me to focus on other's... Here's how: it shows updates on their status or mood... SO (getting to my point: ) when I see that one of my friends changed their mood from something good to something bad, like angry or sad, or they put sad stuff in their status, I send em hugs or something, and I ask them what's going on. I know that I should be doing this, no matter what, but like I said, hard time focusing. It feels REALLY good to talk to those that I care about, even if I haven't met them in real life, OR I don't see them as often as I'd like. I LOVE to give hugs.. so... (and I am being serious here) Ice Queen, if we ever meet (or if we have, and meet again... I'm horrible about that-sorry) then I will give you a hug... for now, tho... to everyone:

^--I'm the pink one. :D

Edited February 25, 2008 by GothicRavenGoddess

[Destroit]

I always try to "better" myself through hobbies and stuff since I'm kind of a muse. Piano makes me feel good, writing makes me feel clever, and DDR makes me feel like the last samurai in Metro Detroit.

I totally impressed my friend Tim yesterday with my heavy mode ninja-stomp abilities, and I will say that shortly thereafter I was fully convinced that I am Bruce Lee reincarnated, and damnit...it felt good.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

lol

silly

but that's good tho... if i wasn't so scared of looking like an idiot, even to myself, I'd so do that.... (DDR)

[Head Wreck]

i just think

"FFS chris, your being ego, harden the fuck up, how on earth are you going to rebirth the british empire when your being an emo fag"

then giggle at myself and i'm fine

[Homicidalheathen]

Music. Usually I turn my sadness to anger and do something about it.......or I just try to change my mood to happy.

So, its either hardcore gabber or dance music. One or the other.

Getting a massage or having cuddles and sex helps too. A loong cuddle session ending in nooky helps.

One other thing I like to do is party with friends. Its harder these days cause I cut waay back on drinking. For most of them partying means booze unfortunatly. There are other things you can do together besides get crunked I just don't have enough people that want to hang out sober these days.

The drinking makes me more sad when I have to go home alone. If your sad, don't do any depressants.

[Steven]

join a band.

take it to the stage.

[xbittergracex]

I went through this really rough two years. I didn't have ANYONE. No friends, I couldn't turn to family. And I NEEDED someone. I needed help. I spiraled down into this deep depression, I hate everyone, men even more so than women *sorry guys LOL*...I was extremely suicidal. I started planning it. I was trying to figure out a way to go out without my family having to pick up the pieces....I was paying off bills, I was going to put all my stuff in a storage unit and throw out what nobody would want....I was going to sell my car and leave my parents some money to bury me with. I had it all planned out. REALLY fucked up, I know.

So in September, I got some really bad news. This guy I had been with on and off for 8 years, committed suicide. My first thought was that he was brave and lucky for having the balls to do it because I didn't yet. That scared the shit out of me. I think that was the first time I really realized that planning my own death was a little fucked up maybe. So I don't know why, or how, but something in me snapped when all these *friends* of his came out of the woodwork crying and carrying on (making themselves the victims) OH WE CARED SO MUCH, WE TRIED SO HARD....they didn't do SHIT. So I decided I wasn't going to kill myself because I knew my friends from my past who ABANDONED me when I needed them would do the same shit...and that made me sick.

So that snapped me out of being suicidal, not really the depression.

So here's the answer to your question.

Sometime in the month or so following all this........I made a decision. Fuck that one day at a time stuff...

I don't live one day at a time. I don't even live one hour at a time. I live by the minute.

So what do I do when I'm sad, to not be sad anymore? ANY FUCKING THING I WANT. At any given moment, I do what makes me happy. Of course there are going to be times where its a little impossible....you still have to work even if quitting your job would make you happy at that moment lol....but the majority of the time....I do whatever I want.

That is the best advice I can give anyone. People always say do what makes you happy. Well being a photographer would make me happy, so I'll go back to school, and SOMEDAY I'll be a photographer. Right. BUT what about RIGHT now? If I want to watch a movie, I do it. If I want to spark up a J...I do it....if I want to go for a walk, or surf DGN....WHATEVER the fuck I want to do at any time....I do it.

And if you make a big change in your life....SOMEONE is going to hate it. Fuck it. Whatever. When I decided to do everything for me, and do whatever I wanted to do....a 'friend' called me selfish. He said I was being self centered. Well baby, no one else is worrying about me. No one else is making sure I'm alright, no one is paying my bills, no one else is trying to make me happy....so you're damn right I'm selfish. I'm all I've got.

You're all you've got.....and when you find someone who's happiness matters to you....making them happy will make you happy....and neither of you should ever put the other in a situation where they are miserable...for you.

Sorry I was so long winded, but this is something I've worked VERY hard at and struggle with on a daily basis...I hope this strikes a chord with SOMEONE.

[Guest Megalicious]

Honestly Troy I don't get sad, I get depressed. There is a huge difference ( as I'm sure most of us here can relate to and know).

feeling.

3. I always try to put my label or description in NON- Judgemental terms. Focus on the facts the "what", not the good or bad or terrible ect.

Example.

Today is horrible, everything is awful. I'm going to go back and slee.

VS

I am not feeling myself today.

Once I know what emotion I am feeling I can decided what I want to do about it.

Most of the time its in baby steps, and always opposite to what I am feeling at the moment.

eanxample.

I don't want to get out of beinstead I drag my ass out of bed and get in the show.

I don't want to go outside.

I get dressed and go for a walk.

and so on and so on through out the whole day.

Sometimes I feel better instantly by doing oppistiite to my emotion once. On other days it takes alot. Just depends on how bad of a day I am having.

Most of these are a certain group of skill I learned to DB Therapy. It has been nothing short of amazing for regulating my emoitons when I feel they are on the verge of becoming out of control.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Rock bottom is good solid ground

Haha. Nice. Thanks for the other kind words. *blush*

Oddly enough, listening to depressing music, it helps me get it out and get over it. When it's not so freezing cold; taking a walk, watching the clouds or stars. Working out is suppose to make you feel better, but if you are sad, it is hard to motivate yourself. Dressing up and looking really nice for no reason. Being around friends and family. Reminding myself that it is only temporary. Setting goals to improve my life, and taking the steps towards them. And I start with small, achievable goals, and little steps. Oh, and how can I forget, hugs. A good hug from a friend or loved one does a lot, and I am happy to provide hugs for those that need them.

Sometimes I am thankful for sadness, for how can you know and appreciate real joy, if you have not known real sorrow. I worry about closing myself off to the sadness and becoming numb, mostly because of the environment I work in. So, when I have had a particularly hard stretch at work and feel like I have closed myself off emotionally, I am actually relieved when feelings start creeping in.

Sad music really? I'm so steeped in music its not funny. Having done the DJ thing on and off for ages (it seems like) and bordering on musical fanaticism at times. Almost any music seems to make me more sad if I'm in the mood to be prone to it, unless it clearly has a very obvious "upbeat" tone to it. Even some music that is just "pretty" can make me feel sad/lonely/empty at times. I actually try to avoid music like the plague when I'm feeling down. Maybe I'm just nuts...

I can relate to the "numb" feeling , not anytime in the last few years as more recently i definitely feel "alive" good or bad, emotionally, but at one time i was in zombie-mode and any emotions were welcomed over no emotions.

One other thing I like to do is party with friends.

Going and "doing" something defiantly helps, at least keep my mind off whatever it is, if not fix the underlying problem.

I went through this really rough two years. I didn't have ANYONE. No friends, I couldn't turn to family. And I NEEDED someone. I needed help. I spiraled down into this deep depression, I hate everyone, men even more so than women *sorry guys LOL*...I was extremely suicidal. I started planning it. I was trying to figure out a way to go out without my family having to pick up the pieces....I was paying off bills, I was going to put all my stuff in a storage unit and throw out what nobody would want....I was going to sell my car and leave my parents some money to bury me with. I had it all planned out. REALLY fucked up, I know.

So in September, I got some really bad news. This guy I had been with on and off for 8 years, committed suicide. My first thought was that he was brave and lucky for having the balls to do it because I didn't yet. That scared the shit out of me. I think that was the first time I really realized that planning my own death was a little fucked up maybe. So I don't know why, or how, but something in me snapped when all these *friends* of his came out of the woodwork crying and carrying on (making themselves the victims) OH WE CARED SO MUCH, WE TRIED SO HARD....they didn't do SHIT. So I decided I wasn't going to kill myself because I knew my friends from my past who ABANDONED me when I needed them would do the same shit...and that made me sick.

So that snapped me out of being suicidal, not really the depression.

So here's the answer to your question.

Sometime in the month or so following all this........I made a decision. Fuck that one day at a time stuff...

I don't live one day at a time. I don't even live one hour at a time. I live by the minute.

So what do I do when I'm sad, to not be sad anymore? ANY FUCKING THING I WANT. At any given moment, I do what makes me happy. Of course there are going to be times where its a little impossible....you still have to work even if quitting your job would make you happy at that moment lol....but the majority of the time....I do whatever I want.

That is the best advice I can give anyone. People always say do what makes you happy. Well being a photographer would make me happy, so I'll go back to school, and SOMEDAY I'll be a photographer. Right. BUT what about RIGHT now? If I want to watch a movie, I do it. If I want to spark up a J...I do it....if I want to go for a walk, or surf DGN....WHATEVER the fuck I want to do at any time....I do it.

And if you make a big change in your life....SOMEONE is going to hate it. Fuck it. Whatever. When I decided to do everything for me, and do whatever I wanted to do....a 'friend' called me selfish. He said I was being self centered. Well baby, no one else is worrying about me. No one else is making sure I'm alright, no one is paying my bills, no one else is trying to make me happy....so you're damn right I'm selfish. I'm all I've got.

You're all you've got.....and when you find someone who's happiness matters to you....making them happy will make you happy....and neither of you should ever put the other in a situation where they are miserable...for you.

Sorry I was so long winded, but this is something I've worked VERY hard at and struggle with on a daily basis...I hope this strikes a chord with SOMEONE.

Having been down very similar roads... at least twice, maybe 4 times depending on how to count it, i defiantly can empathize. Dont apologize for explaining yourself in detail, its good to point things out and maybe even just get things off our chest so to speak.

Honestly Troy I don't get sad, I get depressed. There is a huge difference ( as I'm sure most of us here can relate to and know).

feeling.

3. I always try to put my label or description in NON- Judgemental terms. Focus on the facts the "what", not the good or bad or terrible ect.

Example.

Today is horrible, everything is awful. I'm going to go back and slee.

VS

I am not feeling myself today.

Once I know what emotion I am feeling I can decided what I want to do about it.

Most of the time its in baby steps, and always opposite to what I am feeling at the moment.

eanxample.

I don't want to get out of beinstead I drag my ass out of bed and get in the show.

I don't want to go outside.

I get dressed and go for a walk.

and so on and so on through out the whole day.

Sometimes I feel better instantly by doing oppistiite to my emotion once. On other days it takes alot. Just depends on how bad of a day I am having.

Most of these are a certain group of skill I learned to DB Therapy. It has been nothing short of amazing for regulating my emoitons when I feel they are on the verge of becoming out of control.

I sort of use the terms "sad" and "depressed" interchangeably even though i am, i suppose, talking about depression rather than just run-of-the-mill sadness. Having a long, long string of various medical concerns and my own home-pharmacy's of prescriptions it seems, i think i've found the best i'm going to find in terms of the drug route, and now its more up to me to kick myself in the ass one way or another.

DB Therapy? Do you man CB therapy? Cognitive-Behavioral therapy? (and hi again btw)

Thanks to everyone for sharing so far. I know sometimes this stuff can bring up emotions maybe best left alone. Thanks for taking the time.

[jadnifer]

This is how I define sadness and depression.

Sadness= Someone passing away, someone being sick, losing a job, losing a friend, etc. etc. even little everyday things.

Depression=When you are SO sad about these things that it starts to affect your life to the point where you are almost unable to function or even bedridden and not able to function whatsoever. Please get help if it ever gets to this point!

Different people are able to deal with these things differently than other people are.

Some ways that I am able to deal with my sadness and depression. Most of the time it is ALWAYS depression.

Meds.

Petting my cat.

Talking on DGN. (Seriously)

Cuddling

Asking for a big hug and kiss

Asking my boyfriend to just hold me.

Watch a funny movie.

Go dancing.

Go get some lunch. Even if it's by myself.

ICE CREAM. Ice cream solves everything!

Taking my dogs for a walk.

Talking with friends.

Talking about what is bothering me to see if that person can give me some advice on the issue.

Write poetry.

Play with my cat.

Listen to music.

That's really all I can think of right now. If I come up with anything else that might help, I will be sure to post it.

[SuZQZ]

I dance to sad music until I collapse.

Yep. That's one of my methods, too.

I'm generally a happy, optimistic person so I can usually jumpstart an over feeling of happiness, or at least contentment, pretty easily. I watch something funny, like SNL Celebrity Jeopardy clips or clips of the Farting Preacher online. No matter how sad or depressed I feel, those usually get me laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes and I usually feel better for a while. I also like to listen to classical music, especially pieces from the baroque era. So much to listen to all at once. Another trick I try is changing the scenary. Even if it's only for a couple of hours, I get away from where ever I am and go someplace else. Maybe a Metro Park or a drive along Lake St. Clair or Lake Huron, etc. with some great music as my driving soundtrack. When those fail, I reach for the Godiva chocolate!

[Guest Megalicious]

DB Therapy? Do you man CB therapy? Cognitive-Behavioral therapy? (and hi again btw)

Well it is commonly called DBT.

I believe they have alot of the same values but they are different. =)

If you want I have some really great handouts on Emotional regulation. If you want I can copy and send them to you. =)

DBT.

edited for linky =)

Edited February 27, 2008 by Megalicious

[predaking]

i get pissed, that usualy kills the sadness quick

[freydis]

i read, talk to people (online or face to face, what ever's easiest and more immediate), listen to music, maybe get a good chai....

[Shade Everdark]

Essentially, I don't. I wallow, I stoke the flames until they burn out on their own.

[JaneDead]

Other than some good thing happening TO you, how do you, yourself cheer yourself up? The idea being rather than waiting around and hoping something good happens to force you out of the sadness. Do you have specific things that you try to do?

well one thing that i always do is hug and kiss my youngest daughter. a lot. i know that involves someone else but it is what gets me through sometimes. some days i just cuddle up with her and kiss her face over and over. she giggles and smiles and tells me she loves me and that gives me happiness.

i have this book i write in when i am feeling down/angry/ungrateful. in i write all the things i am thankful for. just a word or a few... and always simple things like "tea, hugs from my kids, sunshine in winter..." silly things like that people take for granted. it helps me focus more on what i should be thinking about (being thankful) rather than what i am thinking about (feeling sorry for myself).

music. i find that if i go too long without listening to music in my house i get depressed. so i listen to music on my computer, the tv music channels (on wow- retroactive), i have a clock radio in my kitchen i turn on when i cook or clean.

doing things to feel better about yourself always helps. losing weight, getting a hair cut (it's helped me before ), getting involved in something meaningful to you. i really think that is the key to "not feeling sad" is to do things to feel better about yourself.

sometimes i just let myself feel down. i know that sometimes i just have to- i can't force myself out of it, so i don't. but if it goes on too long then i change my routine. i don't really feel this way anymore, not now that i moved/am not with my ex... when i was really down being with him i would go out and be with my friends. more was better. that way the focus is off you/your problems and you can just enjoy what your friends have to say/are doing. i never even told a lot of my friends how unhappy i was- they figured it out once they actually saw me HAPPY, how unhappy i must have been. in the end i told them as well. i'm not really a person who likes a lot of attention in general and when people know you are "down" they can go out of their way to be all over you about it. so i was just quiet a lot.

i guess that is totally different though- that was completely situational. what i needed to do was to remove myself from the situation. and i did. i am now happy happy happy. i really don't have actual depression for no reason like some people on here do and don't need to find a way to cope with that. i am sorry to all that suffer from it. i would hate to live that way. :(

[know_buddy_kares]

I've some strong manic depressant tendancies.. i cannot actually say I have it due to the military, and because of that I can't take any meds, i really wouldn't want to anyway. It comes and goes, usually I'll beable to make myself sleep and it runs its course in my sleep, other times i just get really withdrawn and don't talk to anyone. If it lasts longer then a week then I just become an asshole because at that point, i'm really sick of talking to people and they start poking their noses in on my business wondering whats wrong with me. Music helps, food helps, sleep helps, and if I have a significant other i can trust enough to keep around while i'm going through it (i've not had someone this close since 2003-3004) i find it's the best help, i'll cuddle her all night until it runs its course.

[TygerLili]

Lately I've had a lot to be upset about, but I'm trying this new thing where every time I start feeling depressed, I force myself to get out of the apartment and do something. It's best if I can find someone else to hang out with, but if not, I still get in my car and go wherever I feel like. So far it's really working. I expected to go through a bad, lasting depression after the break up, like I did with the last break-up before that, but so far I've managed not to be depressed for more than 2 hours at a time.

Now if only I had infinite gas money.

[torn asunder]

Essentially, I don't. I wallow, I stoke the flames until they burn out on their own.

exactly what i do - i always know that it's happening, and i always know that it's only temporary, but when i get this way, i allow myself to acknowledge it, and wallow a bit. usually, i'll go out drinking by myself, sit in a corner ignoring people (except for the occasional glance around the room) and just let my mind go where it will. typically, by the next morning, i'm ok. ocassionally, it'll last 2-3 days, but ever since i overcame my clinical depression several years ago, it's never been more than a few days at a time.

now that i think about it, one of the realizations i had was related to the "why are we here? what's the f**kin point? why bother?" questions... it finally dawned on me (as other people have mentioned) that we're here to have fun, and enjoy ourselves. think about animals, or little kids - think about the silly things they do; dogs will chase their tails, cats will tear through the house chasing nothing (or each other), little kids will spin themselves around & around & around until they're so dizzy they fall down laughing, then get back up & do it again!

in fact, that's exactly what i did - when i realized that, i went in my front yard & spun around until i fell over... it was surprisingly fun, once i got over the idea of it looking silly for a grown man to be doing it! anyway, just be goofy/silly for no reason - everyone takes life too seriously & never takes time to do the stupid, funny stuff.