Trene4000

Very early the other morning before the sun rose, I let the dogs out. to ask to come back inside. When they did, I let them back in and as we began walking my mom's perfume filled the kitchen. I was so surprised. I hadn't smelled that scent since her last doctor's appointment in May. On my way through I discovered the scent was throughout the entire downstairs. When I reached the living room where she sits on the mantle I smiled and said "good morning, Ma". The dogs didn't want to go upstairs. We eventually made it back up to bed. When we came down after the sun had risen, her scent was gone. My niece said it was just grandma saying hi. I felt content the rest of the day.

Still burning up with fever.

I miss sleeping naked.

I saw a huge Keeler Oak tree with bright green leaves standing in a field of yellowish- green grass framed by a light morning mist. Suddenly a huge branch, the only one on the right side of the tree, broke off from the trunk of the tree leaving behind a huge gaping section of splintered wood. The huge branch fell silently to the ground. I was jerked wide awake feeling alarmed and confused. There was no apparent reason for the branch to fall. Even awake, I can still see the beautiful oak standing lop-sided within the now golden field. It's leaves are now a Fall orange as it stands unmoving, undisturbed by the loss of such a huge member. What does this mean? I hesitate to contemplate the myriad of possibilities. -------

Will I EVER get off at 6:00 pm?

Hospice care is such a misnomer. They stick you in a room. Give you lots of pain medication (their idea of keeping you comfortable), withhold food and water until you die. What the hell kind of supportive care is THAT!? The definition of hospice care: "Care designed to give supportive care to people in the final phase of a terminal illness and focus on comfort and quality of life, rather than cure. The goal is to enable patients to be comfortable and free of pain, so that they live each day as fully as possible. " Yeah, while you starve to death. I guess they figure if you're stoned out of your gourd you won't notice. Besides, you're dying anyway. Is that how they justify murder? If she wasn't in hospice care and this was done to her, people would be brought up on charges of manslaughter. How sick are you to do this to someone just because they can't ask for food? Oh yeah, a hospice worker can't feed a person unless they ask for food, regardless of how loud their stomach grumbles. They can actually lose their license. Who created this warped, twisted system?! I can't torture my mother like that. The book says the person will refuse food and drink themselves. Until that happens, she can have all the oatmeal, sausage, cinamon-sugar apples, and scrambled eggs she wants.

Find out what song was number one on the day you were born! As a bonus you can also find out how many minutes ago that was as well. For me it was Come Together/Something by The Beatles I was born 24,086,026 minutes ago. Check out yours! http://playback.fm/birthday-song

I use my dreams to escape from reality. Always have. They take the stress off so that when its time to deal with reality I am not bowled over and wrecked. This last dream destroyed that. It dragged reality into my dreamscape. Every time I close my eyes or even blink I see her limp corpse sitting there in front of me, my hands on her shoulders. I feel trapped. I have no place to escape to in order to rest and regroup. I can't do this anymore.

Like screaming and throwing up.

I was installing new telephone and data ports at the house. I didn't recognize the place. It was very large and had many rooms. My brother had given me a specialized request to complete when I went to a room to check on our mother. Suddenly I was dressed in a sort, white flowing dress and was the same size I was back in high school. Our mother was lying on a strange clear pad on a wooden floor. The wood was just like our floors at the home house but slightly newer. She had on a dark blue turban, was wearing her burgundy pullover sweater, navy blue sweatpants, and her favorite black flats. I started dancing and picked up a small dark blue cookie cutter in the shape of wings. I thought to myself, "these aren't large enough". Suddenly they were full-size and I was able to mount them on my back. I danced and danced. The entire time, a voice kept telling me to call our baby sister. Finally, I knelt down to call her. She suddenly brushed my shoulders saying she was already here. Our mother opened her eyes and began talking to me. I called everyone into the room. We sat our mom up and hugged her, laughing and smiling. Suddenly she was in her hospital gown, her turban was gone, she was sickly yellowish and thin. Her head dropped onto my shoulder. The others pulled away and we began screaming and crying. I held her away from me. She had died. She placed her right hand on my left shoulder... but she was still gone. I woke up and nearly vomited.

My body severely reminded me why I don't get up until 10 am.

DANG BLASTED FREAK AND A HALF!!! I pulled my back!!!!

I hate trying to speak to others when I'm tired, drained, and trying to focus through the fuzzies while thinking. I think I sound like a child. It's even harder when someone's asking why I sound like that. I can't help it. I can only fight through it until I can recuperate. It has only been two days and I am already going under. How pathetic. What happened to me?

Ma looked so surprised to see me when I stood beside her bed and said hi. It was as if she didn't expect to see me. After I walked over to talk my baby sister Ma called my name and asked me to pull her hair back. She has never called me before during these past three months. She had even said that I was gone when I was talking to her. I am just so happy that she realized I am here, even if she doesn't remember that again. She finally saw me.

I must truly applaud my little sister. She pushes through her pain and succeeds. My pain keeps coming and coming and coming constantly for so many years til I just gave up. It has been an unending torture fest. One day I'll be able to pull myself back up but for now...

I finally have one injury under control when BAM! I'm hit with trying to find a way to control another! When does the hurting stop?

Tired of this blasted pain driving stabs into my rib cage and shoulder every time I inhale or moves.

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Unbelievable! This dog did something that a six year old girl in a "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial. http://blogs.discovery.com/bites-animal-planet/2015/08/dog-calls-911-during-fire-leads-blind-owner-to-safety.html?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=AnimalPlanet Amazing.

I am just this side of smothering her.

Man uses kitten accomplice to distract cops and escape custody. Yes, you read that correctly. Don't believe me? Here it is. http://crimefeed.com/2015/08/levi-jacob-hanson/

When I check out of this life I don't want to be lingering or languishing in agony. I wanna say "Ciao, everybody!" and leave.

Face a nightmare. One I cannot escape. Even in my dreams.

2.98 That was the number in my dream. No idea what it means. Anybody?