Menopause, anyone?

[pomba gira]

It's funny I came from a family where all the woman had kids and sometimes lots of kids,so I never even considered not having kids.It never dawned on me that I could make that choice.I suppose somewhere along the way I started to think that I would be incomplete without children just by having been raised with this notion that if you are a woman you must breed.

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For me it was just the opposite- I had several childless relatives and no one in my extended family had more than 2 or 3 kids. I don't know if my aunts were childless by choice, but either way I grew up with the knowledge that not all women have children, and therefore the awareness that parenthood is a choice rather than something that "just happens".

I'd love to say something "noble" about not wanting to bring a child into this messed up world, but, in all honesty, my decision to not bear children is a combination of pure selfishness (I know I don't have the discipline to give up my life for a child) and my REALLY messed up reproductive system. I'm comfortable with these reasons, but alot of people seem to think I'm a monster.  I've also had people decide not to date me after discussing my choice.

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I think your self-awareness is a lot more "noble" than having children and still living la vida loca. I have worked with all too many children whose mothers went that route. For example: After missing 3 IEP conferences, one of my parents was told that we couldn't continue to provide services for her child if she missed the next one. This little girl is at least 2 grade levels behind in most areas and has some fairly deep behavior issues. Of course mom missed the conference. The reason? She went to Las Vegas to get married.

Oh, Kichijoten? I find it incredibly ironic that, upon googling your screename, one of the results said that Kichijoten is a fertility goddess.

There were more, and I assume you're referencing a different diety, but I thought that quite funny.

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Back when I was doing the art fair circuit, I made a lot of earrings using the Ashanti fertility doll charms. I would always tell customers who looked dubious on learning what they were, "well it doesn't have to mean fertility of the body- it can mean creative fertility, too!"

Interestingly, fertility goddesses are not usually maternal types. There is usually another goddess who is in charge of "hearth and home". Most fertility goddesses are str8 up party grrls! I think I described "my" aspect of Kichijoten in the "your screen name" thread, so I won't go into it here.

[sinnaminn]

Nienna, there's nobility in recognizing that you prefer a lifestyle that isn't beneficial to children - and CHOOSING to not inflict that lifestyle on a child that deserves more.

That's where Jon and me stand. We admit our self-centeredness. We admit we live to have fun - and having children, to us, is NOT FUN. We are selfish, self-serving and don't care to be "bogged down" with the responsibilities of a child.

To bring a child into such a relationship would be, to me, the ultimate act of selfishness - to say to one's self, "I want a fly-by-night life - oh, and I want a child too, so I'll go ahead and have one" would be incredibly abusive to a child.

Better to recognize which is your priority, and stick with it.

That is sooo true!And thats why we only get to C.C. or anywhere really a handful of times a year.Vater and I haven't been to a club in over a year at this point.At least here at DGN I can be on the scene ,vicariously."pout" "sniffle" "sigh"

[Fierce Critter]

I think I described "my" aspect of Kichijoten in the "your screen name" thread, so I won't go into it here.

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You know, I kept checking out that thread to see if you added a response, and didn't see one. I must have totally missed it somewhere...

I was curious 'cause I have an interest in Native American culture, and for some reason, Kichijoten sounded NA to me. I was surprised to read on Google that it's Japanese in origin, but that makes sense now.

[bean]

My mom is going through menopause right now. She is irritable, but much of that has to do with my dad not being very understanding. I talk to her on the phone quite a bit, and the only difference I've really noticed is that her attention span is shorter. She's been talking about getting a face lift (she does not need one at all!) and bleaching her hair platinum blonde. When I visit her we joke around about this. The only thing that bothers me is that she has started on me about having kids. I have told her repeatedly that at this point in my life I don't want to have children. I'm only 25, so maybe in a few years I may change my mind, but right now I do not have the urge to spawn. I like kids, and I enjoy being "aunt" to my friends children, but the idea of having my own is not appealing at this point.