What Are You Thinking?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

2 hours ago, TronRP said:

Why is it so hard to stay awake lately?

Exhaustion I'm assuming.  Although typically I'm used to everyone saying they can't fall asleep.  Hope you aren't getting sick and its just your current life-situation (not that that is good, just its better than some actual sickness).

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Someone talk me out of using what little credit I have left this sale is nuts. This god damn drone is epic first off, the only one to offer all the features it has in that price range, plus, is on some crazy insane sale that only lasts 3 days, they must be selling it for exactly what they pay for it.  Its the "advanced" version (the good one) and it costs less than most places sell the regular one for.  Been dreamin about a "good" drone for ages, but it would be stupid to fuck up my credit...   but but... its pretty and er...  I could us it to take video (like good video , not the shit the junk drones take) for the youtube videos....   meh!!!  Don't do it tttttttttt.  They even sort of "hide" the sale price as it doesn't show until you click on the item.  The real price (which sounds about right is like 350) but you click on it and it says "flash sale"  249 with a 2  1/2 timer.    No bad!  

 

I sold all the crap I can really sell to pay the bills so far this month, no more lemons to squeeze.   grrrr

 

I  feel like an ass even bothering looking at this stuff with my mom in the hospital.  Feel like I should just move in there until she gets out.   The dumbass aides don't know how to be careful with her legs properly and they sort of just , don't take her seriously.  They NEVER put lotion on her dry skin (not that I envy that job but I do it when I'm there)... bleh. Suck it up troy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Plus... christ I'm exhausted.  So many things to juggle. 

[phee]

The world crushed in my hands.... I think.

[Class-Punk]

I honestly think the English translation of The Ribhu Gita is the most powerful book in existence.  Along with being the most powerful book on meditation ever written.  It might not be over 7,000 years old as someone on Wikipedia suggests, maybe its not even from the BC era.. but whatever its age is, there's not a single non-dual text I've read that compares to this thing.  It was worthy of being called Ramana Maharshi's bible.  And though I'll likely never bother to understand all the sanskrit phrases in it, its becoming my bible as well.

Here's a free copy of it:
https://books.google.gr/books?id=BX6Kt4f9NqwC&printsec=frontcover&hl=el&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

Right now my best theory for someone to be legitimately enlightened is that they need to be in depersonalization disorder, derealization disorder, have feelings of bliss, and see phosphenes and consciousness as one thing (and have all of this happening effortlessly).  So while there is awareness of the world in some context, its being constantly meshed with sort of spontaneous daydreams of light and color as one identity.  While bliss is questionable, mainly because nobody in the mental health industry has experienced it and doesn't understand how weird it is or its strong link to phosphenes, that's still at least three forms of madness by modern standards.  Mindfulness is probably the most popular thing in meditation circles.  But what could be said to be advanced meditation seems like a committed stroll into crazy town.

Edited November 13, 2016 by Class-Punk

[TronRP]

Wow...with all that has been going on, I finally made it through the 07-Ghost series. Took 7 days...how ironic...

[TronRP]

17 hours ago, Troy Spiral said:

Exhaustion I'm assuming.  Although typically I'm used to everyone saying they can't fall asleep.  Hope you aren't getting sick and its just your current life-situation (not that that is good, just its better than some actual sickness).

Sadly, it is exhaustion and stress. Especially since my nephew got a pre-suspension letter Friday and I now have to go to meet with his teacher tomorrow morning or they will not allow him to come back to school. Then I have to be out in Southfield by 10am for Trene's therapy appointment.

I'm really trying not to complain, but I am a bit nervous because of the current guardianship situation. Ever since he broke his arm, it's like he has been doing everything in his power to do the exact opposite of what is asked of him at home. He has already been doing that at school since 5th grade (no matter the repercussions). So whenever anything happens around him (regardless of if he was involved or not) he has a reputation with the teachers of being a disobedient student and therefore is already guilty. 

Everyone keeps calling it "a phase", but this "phase" will get him taken away or have me investigated for abuse. 

[phee]

I get confused.... and then I get more confused every day.

[kat (1)]

13 hours ago, TronRP said:

Sadly, it is exhaustion and stress. Especially since my nephew got a pre-suspension letter Friday and I now have to go to meet with his teacher tomorrow morning or they will not allow him to come back to school. Then I have to be out in Southfield by 10am for Trene's therapy appointment.

I'm really trying not to complain, but I am a bit nervous because of the current guardianship situation. Ever since he broke his arm, it's like he has been doing everything in his power to do the exact opposite of what is asked of him at home. He has already been doing that at school since 5th grade (no matter the repercussions). So whenever anything happens around him (regardless of if he was involved or not) he has a reputation with the teachers of being a disobedient student and therefore is already guilty. 

Everyone keeps calling it "a phase", but this "phase" will get him taken away or have me investigated for abuse. 

Hugs. Is it maybe him acting out because he has been grieving inside still?

Edited November 14, 2016 by kat

[kat (1)]

Man, what is with peoples ego? I mean it seems like everyone is fucking just anyone now. I mean damn it another reason single sucks to me. People just want to casually hook up. I mean I love,  love love sex probably more than normal but I love meaningful being close with someone on a higher level emotionally and...you know what I mean. Is that all there is?

 

Edited November 15, 2016 by kat

[Draco1958]

2 minutes ago, kat said:

Man, what is with peoples ego? I mean it seems like everyone is fucking just anyone now. I mean damn it another reason single sucks to me. People just want to casually hook up. I mean I love,  love love sex probably more than normal but I love meaningful being close with someone on a higher level emotionally and...you know what I mean. Is that all there is?

 

Too many people want grab and go instead of investing.  Weird way to say it but some think a scratch off ticket is better than saving money in the bank.  Hope for a quick return instead of investing time.  Too many live for the now and not the future.  It sucks.

[kat (1)]

Agreed Draco.  I think people take living in the moment too extreme. It's not intended for that or as an excuse to not care about the future and what you want in that, it's too be mindful and cherish every moment of eveday remembering the beauty of everything and no-thingness so that you are aware of how insignificant things that are temporarily  a source of stress can not rule your life.  Cherish what is positive,  leave things out of your control out of your head. Focus on what and who you want to bring into your life not what you don't want.  The universe will get confused...you get what you believe you are worthy of. That I have proven by my negative feelings about myself.  I manifested ugliness and anger. 

Edited November 15, 2016 by kat

[Troy Spiral (13)]

On 11/13/2016 at 8:23 AM, phee said:

The world crushed in my hands.... I think.

Thats pretty serious power you are wielding.  I always had my suspicions. 

[Troy Spiral (13)]

6 hours ago, Draco1958 said:

Too many people want grab and go instead of investing.  Weird way to say it but some think a scratch off ticket is better than saving money in the bank.  Hope for a quick return instead of investing time.  Too many live for the now and not the future.  It sucks.

 

3 hours ago, kat said:

Agreed Draco.  I think people take living in the moment too extreme. It's not intended for that or as an excuse to not care about the future and what you want in that, it's too be mindful and cherish every moment of eveday remembering the beauty of everything and no-thingness so that you are aware of how insignificant things that are temporarily  a source of stress can not rule your life.  Cherish what is positive,  leave things out of your control out of your head. Focus on what and who you want to bring into your life not what you don't want.  The universe will get confused...you get what you believe you are worthy of. That I have proven by my negative feelings about myself.  I manifested ugliness and anger. 

Interesting combination of thoughts.  In one sense, Draco is right people don't plan ahead enough at all.  Especially in the west, and ESPECIALLY in the USA.   But the idea of being "in the moment" what kat is referring to aka "mindfulness" is just appreciating the now rather than worrying about the future or the past.  (That is the simplified basis for a lot of eastern philosophy and now , actual modern psychology in how to have a more peaceful life, DBT therapy and such is based around this idea)  The idea isn't to just "live for today" screw tomorrow.  Its more of a way of thinking positively about what is happening or just accepting what is happening and then dealing with it as it comes, not a "don't plan for the future" sort of thing.   Two different concepts that I know sound similar / contradictory but they aren't.  I'm half awake so I'm probably doing a bad job of explaining. 

 

[Troy Spiral (13)]

My mom is doing worse. :(

[TronRP]

...wow, sometimes I must come across like a needy idiot...

[TronRP]

4 hours ago, Troy Spiral said:

My mom is doing worse. :(

Just remember, regardless of what happens, you have a support system. We are keeping you all in our prayers. 

[TronRP]

On 11/14/2016 at 9:35 AM, kat said:

Hugs. Is it maybe him acting out because he has been grieving inside still?

Actually, that would be easy. Unfortunately, he lives in Wolf Thought. He only remembers what is going on as it is happening or if it is something he considers to be "fun". EVERYTHING ELSE has to be repeated over and over again. Originally, one of the doctors thought it was underdevelopment, but after meeting him, she quickly determined that was not the case. He only likes things or remembers situations and activities if it made him laugh. Even getting hurt or feeling pain is very briefly remembered. (I mean, for goodness sake, he BROKE his arm, but only remembers that when he can't move his arm a certain way because of the CAST ON IT!)

I have to keep an eye on him because I don't want this attitude to turn into some weird form of thrill seeking junkie behavior. All I can do is try to overlook the non-detrimental stuff and redirect his energies into positive behavior until he can do it for himself. 

[kat (1)]

12 hours ago, Troy Spiral said:

My mom is doing worse. :(

Hugs and love. 

[Draco1958]

13 hours ago, Troy Spiral said:

 

Interesting combination of thoughts.  In one sense, Draco is right people don't plan ahead enough at all.  Especially in the west, and ESPECIALLY in the USA.   But the idea of being "in the moment" what kat is referring to aka "mindfulness" is just appreciating the now rather than worrying about the future or the past.  (That is the simplified basis for a lot of eastern philosophy and now , actual modern psychology in how to have a more peaceful life, DBT therapy and such is based around this idea)  The idea isn't to just "live for today" screw tomorrow.  Its more of a way of thinking positively about what is happening or just accepting what is happening and then dealing with it as it comes, not a "don't plan for the future" sort of thing.   Two different concepts that I know sound similar / contradictory but they aren't.  I'm half awake so I'm probably doing a bad job of explaining. 

 

You explained it quite well.  We were using that thought process as an analogy as to how some guys think about relationships and sex.  At the clubs, a lot of guys are just thinking hey, I would F her in a minute even though they just met instead of I'd like to get to know her, see if we click.  Instant gratification over substance.  It ruins it for guys like me.  I go to the club to meet people.  If I meet a lady I like, I try to talk to her, see how the conversation goes.  If it goes well, then I would say that I hope to see them again next time I am at the club.  It shows interest in them as a person, not as an object.  The hope is that in time if being closer is meant to be, it will happen.  But too many times, they meet someone who's main theme is can I get you into bed tonight instead.  So then they are jaded towards meeting a nice person at the club.  It kinda gets turned into a meat market mentality where guys think any woman is fair game and ladies feel objectified.  Instant gratification instead of long term investment in a relationship.  I know this isn't anything new but it seems more prevalent now then when I was younger.  Sort of like a bad disco movie or bad porn.  The "How ya doin" mentality.

[TronRP]

I have been on the move since 6:30am this morning. At last, I have a few minutes to myself to sit down. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to eat right now. Probably will get to that in a bit.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

2 hours ago, TronRP said:

I have been on the move since 6:30am this morning. At last, I have a few minutes to myself to sit down. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to eat right now. Probably will get to that in a bit.

*hugs*

[kat (1)]

I wonder....

[TronRP]

...did I actually just buy that...

[sekhmet2002]

On 11/5/2016 at 9:53 AM, TronRP said:

Thinking I'm gonna have to avoid the radio stations and malls for a while...don't think I can handle the jollies of the holiday music at the moment. Just seems too soon.

 

I totally agree with you. It's just way too soon.

[kat (1)]

Its cold.