do you ever find yourself sobotaging

[Homicidalheathen]

Sometimes you just have to stop yourself....maybe even swallow your pride and appoligize. Try to catch yourself before you do the self-sabatoge act next time.

Hence why i move to detroit ... how ever i dont think the problem lies in the people in my life .. the problem lies in myself ... because even finding myself in a simular situation the pattern is the same ..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Troy Spiral (13)]

...and for ages i packed my life with so much constant activity: working like a maniac, classes, socializing, parties, clubbing, various "hangouts" with various people just so i could keep the constant activity going. I could keep moving so no one could tie me down. I would always be able to use the "im sorry, im just to busy" excuse.

Even when i was 'getting serious' about someone i would just keep the constant activity up so that i wouldn't have to think about my feelings and let them dig any deeper into my heart and not spend to much time with any single person. Probably did that for the better part of 10 years on and off. Im sure there's people reading this right now that are probably thinking to themselves "yep , troy you bastard fuck you, i remember..."

To bad it took a car accident and probably the scariest situation that I've ever been in to make me realize that about myself.

I don't think i could ever apologize enough to all the people i know I've hurt over the years. I've been trying and will continue to try, but at some point i need to just deal with the fact that some people will not like me no matter what i do, and just open up , and stay close to the people i care about most. Not push them away, let myself be pushed away to easily,not be afraid to spend time with them, and not be so afraid to let them hold me and let them inside.

Holy babbling idiot batman. >shuts up

[The Void]

...and for ages i packed my life with so much constant activity: working like a maniac, classes, socializing, parties, clubbing, various "hangouts" with various people just so i could keep the constant activity going.  I could keep moving so no one could tie me down. I would always be able to use the "im sorry, im just to busy" excuse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I think it's that we all give ourselves a million and one excuses by either being 'busy' or holing up at home and making excuses or finding something wrong as someone else said. We kid ourselves that it's not us, it's them and somehow we'll go on with life again and again, repeating the same patterns.

I used to sabotage things before the other person found reason to dump me because at an early age I learned what it was like to be walked out on by dear ole dad. Not to say that's another excuse for life- it is 100% NOT. I think each one of us has to examine why we sabotage and stop the behavior before it's too late.

One day, it will be too late, and when it is...you're usually alone holding the bag, an empty bag.