Getting Older vs. Dressing To The Nines

[Class-Punk]

I have suppressed the urge to dress gothic in a gaudy sense, or "dressing to the nines" for years now, and its actually been pretty damaging to my mental wellbeing, but its sort of happened as a result of aging and anxiety.  I think most goths with some trad goth in them primarily want to dress more gaudy to feel like themselves, rather than wanting to dress that way primarily to draw constant attention, and that feeling of being oneself and self-declaration in the fashion is profound, even intimate, and seems to be unexplainable to the people who do not possess it.  So this has been a huge problem in my life, because I deal with anxiety as it is, and don't want to draw attention to myself, especially where I live, but because its such a profound declaration of oneself for those who feel that, its like living with a part of yourself cut off if you don't give into it.

Obviously, gaudy or "dressing to the nines" could be more or less for different people, but suppressing that appearance aspect of goth in your life, to draw less attention is something I think comes for a lot of people who love goth as they age.  There's also people who are closer to an alternative scene, or enjoy the nightlife more, or just dress up at home, to get the fix of feeling like they are dressed how they feel inside, or dressed in a way that totally aligns with who they are, that seems to vibrate or resonate with their existence.  I think we have a cultural constrainment on society when it comes to fashion that mirrors the dogmatism of a mainstream media narrative over a more democratic social media narrative, and so we are still working towards a greater acceptance of differing styles of fashion that make a person feel like "this is me", and that mainstream media narrative didn't start with news, it started with the church.

I think that the people who tend to stick to being more gaudy on a regular basis are more attached to others who are alternative and dressed the same way.  They form a sense of social cohesion, and may live in more liberal areas that are more tolerant of these differences in appearance, and this regularity of social cohesion with people living close by, with a more tolerant or apathetic community, is what differentiates them from the aging suppressor of any alternative aesthetic that they would actually like to exist in.  Though there is much I strongly dislike about liberals, their tolerance for alternative fashion is something I can't help but admire, as it is one of their traits that promotes my sanity rather than doing the opposite.

I'm not big on dancing or drinking, and the last time I got drunk I spit some blood during the hangover, so its not something my stomach can handle or that I should be doing.  But I'm planning to start dressing up at home more and maybe going out once in great while.. possibly, but at the end of the day (or night) I am still an extreme introvert on a vampire schedule.  I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences here of dressing down at the cost of losing a part of yourself to blend into society more, and what they've been like. 

Edited July 8, 2018 by Class-Punk

[Maureen Falcon]

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease 2 years ago. I am going to do exactly as I please until the cemetary picnic is held in my memory. That said, I would rather be remembered for all the crazy stuff I got up to in my old age that lay down to die saying "I wish I..".

[Class-Punk]

11 hours ago, Moe Falcon said:

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease 2 years ago. I am going to do exactly as I please until the cemetary picnic is held in my memory. That said, I would rather be remembered for all the crazy stuff I got up to in my old age that lay down to die saying "I wish I..".

I can respect that.

[Maureen Falcon]

4 minutes ago, Class-Punk said:

I can respect that.

Thanks. I would not be myself to just lay down and die