Michael8402

If you do go to PA, make sure to swing through central PA.  More specifically State College PA.  Let me know if you do go and I will help you get in touch with my friends there and you can hang out with them and tell them I said hi. 

I miss going to Karaoke.  My favorite bar back home had karaoke every Sunday and my buddies and I used to always go.  My friends used to sign me up to sing songs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  It's funny how many people get excited when you start singing Sweet Transvestite.  lol

There is a big convention in New Jersey every year that seemed interesting.  I was never able to go because of work but it looked like a fun time.  It is called the Geek Kink Convention.  It is a 3 day event that concentrates on the obscure geek fetishes.  They had brain teaser kink forums, robotic vendors, and all kinds of other things that you wouldn't normally think of when talking about fetishes.  They actually had a "Muppet Babies" room the one year.  Voltaire goes every year and performs there.  I still want to make the trip sometime. 

I just found out that Liquid Red is having a Bondage Ball on September 19th at the Token Lounge in Westland.  It is a 21+ event from 9pm-2am.  There will be Djs, a fashion show and much more.  I am thinking of going if I can get out of work at a decent time that night.  Check out their website if you are interested in finding out more.  www.LiquidRedLV.com

I used to get a lot of flashes from memories in my life when I was doing the carny circuit.  It would actually help to calm me down when I was doing really dangerous escape stunts.  

I have the next 2 days off from work.  I am going to make PA style chicken and waffles.  I got my gram's chicken gravy recipe, mashed potatoes, corn, and Belgian waffles.  Who wants to come?  
This is what happens when I am thinking of home.

I am happy that I will have 2 days off next week.  I only had one day off last week and got 12.5 hours of overtime .  The paycheck will be nice.

I was told that I lack confidence and need to be more than just a nice guy.  They said that I am the best at the job I am doing but they don't think that I am really ment for that position.  I am supposed to push myself harder to learn a skill that will get me through the rest of my life.  This was all said in a very forceful way by a person who has a very aggressive personality and also happens to be an owner of the place I work at.  I have a few issues with this situation.
1. The reason I don't want to work the position he thinks I am ment for is because I shut down when there is a lot of yelling and aggression around me.  I forget everything that I know a just start shaking and just want to curl up in a ball.
2. I have been through college and cosmetology school and I have worked at many different skilled trades but nothing seems to fit for me.  Even the carnival performing wasn't a good fit long term.
3. The job I am currently working is so understaffed that it's not funny.  There are pretty much only 2 of us that work the position on a regular basis and a girl who has only worked 3 days so far and is only there until her college classes start back up this fall.
4. Everyone else who is working the position they want me in has gone to school for that trade and have spent years developing their skills.  Although I have worked in multiple restaurants before, I have a different style of doing things than they do.  I never went to school for it and all of my skills are from experience in much smaller businesses that were more of a home style comfort food establishments.  
I just feel that I am confident as a person and in the job I am currently doing.  My issues with aggression are from events in my past that I haven't been able to fully recover from, and I don't know if I really want to.  I do subscribe to the theory that I am responsible for how I feel and how I let things affect me so I am the only one to blame for this.  When I comes down to it, I think I am a good person and want to always be a good person.  I don't know where I want to be in 5 years and I don't know where life will take me.  I had plans and aspirations in the past and tried my hardest but failed.  I now live day to day and am fine with how things are going at the moment, things could be better but I have been through worse.  
I think I just need some advice or someone to help me figure out how to keep being a nice guy but still get people to understand that success isn't all about money and fancy things to me.  I am successful in my own way.  I have friends and family who care for me and an amazing girlfriend who stands beside me through good and bad.  That is success.
 
Sorry for the long rant.  I just had to get my thoughts out of my head on this issue.    

I am new to the state and don't have any friends yet.  My girlfriend and I moved here not that long ago from central PA.  I live in Novi and don't really know the area.  

Welcome.  We all have our nerdy side here so you will fit right in.

Don't take that as an insult Simon.  Vikings and Klingons both rock.  I just want to know if I should bring you meed or blood wine.

Here is my wish list of tons of random stuff.  
https://amzn.com/w/22G5K10EHAUSD
Here is a gofundme link that my girlfriend and I set up when we were first getting ready to move to Michigan.
http://www.gofundme.com/tf2aqk4
 

Good thing I brought my ear plugs and hard hat.  lol

Then you don't need that person.  They aren't understanding or supportive.  Someone else will be.

Good to see it back up.  I have been having withdraw.  Lol. I kept checking to see if it was back up while on my 14 hour bus trip.

It is sad when people show their true colors but that does not reflect on you.  Do not feel embarrassed by someone else's short comings.  Just keep being the strong person you are and keep your head up.

I don't think I even try to act like a dad though.  Since he is already 21, I try to act like he is just one of the guys when he visits.  He lives with his father in PA and we didn't even see him that much before we moved.

I have always had trouble shutting my mind off so sleep has always been an issue for me.  I have been averaging only about 3 or 4 hours a night since I was a teenager.  The problem always gets worse when depression or stress are involved.  Recently I have noticed a very disturbing bout of erratic sleep.  I will be unable to sleep for days and then spend a day where I sleep off and on for about an hour at a time.  The most disturbing part is that I don't have any warning about the "nap" coming on.  I just sort of pass out randomly while doing something and then wake up an hour later.  I don't even feel tired before it happens.  I am guessing that the not sleeping is caused by my stress and depression and the crashes are simply exhaustion but it is still unnerving.  
Has, or is, there anyone else dealing with similar issues?  I wouldn't mind any advice if anyone has any as well.

I am new to this site and just wanted to introduce myself.  My name is Michael.  I just moved to Novi, Mi from central PA.  The only person I know here is my girlfriend.  She grew up in the area and has family here but I don't really know them.  I used to help with exotic animal rescue in Pa so I do have some pet snakes and reptiles.  I am always up for helping if anyone has questions or needs help with exotic pets.  I am also experienced as a cook and am working on my own cook book so it would be nice to make friends who would be willing to help with recipe ideas or as taste testers.  I used to live a fairly exciting life but have calmed down considerably over the years.  My friends used to refer to me as "Grunge Goth" because I am sort of a mix of several different sub cultures.  I am on facebook so feel free to look me up or contact me if you want.  I use my full name, Michael Sweeney, and my picture is blurry but it is me juggling fire.  I hope to hear from some cool and interesting people on here.

I get that message all the time.  I have to refresh a few times or close the browser and reopen.

My phone is actually better than my computer.  That is probably due to the fact that I am using a hand me down laptop that my girlfriend's son got sick of after he dropped it off an entertainment center.  I am just a bit of a cheap skate when it comes to buying things for myself.  My father got me an awesome phone that is designed for military use so it is rated for 100 feet under salt water and super hardened but still works on 4g.

You pretty much have the concept.  My personal ideas on it get slightly more complex but this was just the basic start of my theory.  I guess you can also look at it as us all being a single line in a super complex computer program.  Each line seems insignificant but the calculations in each line are important no matter how small and insignificant they seem.

I personally feel that the meaning of life is down to simple experience.  Now this is a very simplified explanation and even I can't even fully comprehend how to fully understand or explain it in it's entirety but I can attempt to elaborate
Let's use the most commonly supported theory that all of our memories are simply a combination of electrical pulses traveling down different neural pathways causing chemical reactions and even more electrical pulses.  
Now we know that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can be converted or stored..  So where do these random pulses of energy go after we experience them?  I personally feel that they are recycled and stored in a sort of universal data stream that makes up the universe around us.  Each pulse may be insignificant as an individual in the grand scheme of things but the pure volume and how they interact causes constant changes.  
Due to this personal belief, I feel that I must experience as much as possible in the short time I have.  One thing is for sure, I will not go to the grave as a beautiful corpse.  I will skid in sideways say "That was an amazing ride."   

I am feeling rather depressed.  I guess this is a good group that I can fully express the full reason of my depression so here it goes.  I come from a very small community full of farmers and most families, mine included, have lived there for generations.  Everybody knows everyone and it's one big good ol' boy gathering.  I didn't fit in.  Everyone drove big trucks except me, everyone rode a Harley except me, I have a BMW.  People would bring their favorite cheap beer to bon fires that I wasn't invited to, plus I hate beer.  I tried to make an effort to connect with the people around me.  I went hunting and was asked if I was lost.  I went to charity motorcycle rides and got made fun or given wrong information about times and places.  I even got married to my high school sweet heart and that ended badly.  Even through all of that I seemed to find my way.  
Now I am here in Novi.  A new town and a new start with my girlfriend who grew up around here.  She is loving it. Connecting with old friends and her family.  She even found a job within 3 days of being here.  I have nothing but my animals.  I sit at home staring at the door with my dogs waiting for her to get home everyday.  I know things will turn back around and I just need to keep pushing on but it's hard at times.  No friends here, no job yet, no family here.  I am just thankful that I found this group.  It shows that there are some people who share common interests around here and gives me hope that I can figure it out.
 I didn't have many friends who truly connected with me back home but they were good friends and we had to have each other's backs because we didn't fit in with anyone there.  I miss them terribly but am looking forward to making new friends here. 

I probably will at some point.  Still not used to the roads or the amount of people.  I am used to seeing maybe one car a week drive past my house, other than my neighbors.  It was even common to have a shooting range in your own back yard.  We were on a small plot for the area, only 9 and a half achers, and used to shoot from our back deck to sight in rifles.  lol.  I have a pistol that I kept but I have to find a shooting range around here that isn't expensive.