sass_in_the_pants

In Hamburg? In Hamburg, they have Merlot. But it's pronounced Mer-LOT and it comes from a box...in the fridge. And if you ask for a Cosmo, they'll pour vodka in a glass and you're on your own for the rest. It likely will not be one of your stops on your whirlwind tour of Michigan.

Oh wait, I see that you use three Rs. I only use two. See? Worlds apart. Just don't go to Hamburg Michigan and use that name. They'll ask you to sing Trashy Women by Confederate Railroad. On the plus side, they'd buy you beers afterwards.

Oh dear. At least you have your...health? No, wait, that's not right. At least you have your...youth? Oh, hold on, I'll get it. Okay, I got nothing. Happy early birthday! You're a starr! (which, by the way, is my karaoke name)

Exactly.

Chillin. Just finished cleaning up from having some friends over for dinner. What do you do before you have people over? Clean. What do you do after? Clean. Clean, clean, clean. The best thing anyone can do for their house is throw a party.

Beano is neato. And Zantac. Does it mean that I'm an old married lady if I no longer carry condoms in my purse but never leave home without Zantac?

Arrrr...matey! That's really all that I had to add.

Children have to be taught religion. Otherwise, what are they going to throw back in their parents' faces when they become teenagers?

Taco Bell Crunch Wrap Supremes...they're crunchy, they're wrapped and they're EFFING SUPREME! I knew I shouldn't have tried it. Now I've opened a Pandora's Box of heartburn and deliciousness.

Okay, the hot tottie is working it's hot tottie-ness magic. Now, I'm feeling sleepy...very very... :sleeping

Go manic queen! I''m sniffling and coughing and sneezing and just made myself a hot tottie. I'm sick and being a big whiny baby about it.

All I know, is that if you travel light years just to get some cow anusues, you come from a very, very messed up place. :grin

I have never once doubted in my life that ancient human artifacts were, in fact, human. Ancient people were ancient, not morons. The closest star is 4.2 light years away (and I'm not even sure if scientists think it has any planets around it). Would you travel 4.2 light years to take some cow anuses? I hope not. Aliens are ancient, not morons.

I live in MI because it is EXACTLY where I want to be. I like my job, and my neighborhood, but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my friends and my family. I mean, seriously, what's the point of LEAVING the people that I love? Both my husband and I have received job offers out of state, and we've both refused, without hesitation and without remorse. If I have to leave here for employment purposes, I can tell you that they will drag me kicking and screaming.

I suppose it all depends on what they're spelling. As soon as I reach a spelling error on a resume, I throw it in the garbage. In anything business related it is CRITICAL that everything is spelled correctly. When I do a search on a file that is supposed to be spelled "Adjustments" and it is instead spelled "adjustmnts" or some such nonsense, that ticks me off. I've got work to do! I don't have time to search through other people's mistakes! But on things like message boards, text messaging, and handwritten letters (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE to receive I don't care how many spelling errors are in it), spelling errors don't particularly bother me. Still, I'd spend my time on spelling rather than the origins of the universe. But maybe that's just because I'm a good speller and bad at origins of the universe. Play to my strengths and all.

does ice cream make you thirsty? <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Burned every hair off of his body due to an unfortunate fireworks accident and now looks perpetually surprised.

See, you say that as if this were an idea that he and I HADN'T already discussed, but we have. See, I talked him DOWN from having the sloth officiate to having the sloth be ring bearer. In between there, he thought it would be fabulous to have the priest at least HOLDING the sloth during the ceremony because he, and these are his words here "could have something interesting to look at". Um, that would be me, ASS. I'M supposed to be the something interesting to look at. Your beautiful WIFE!! And he said "I mean, you're pretty and all, but a sloth is it's own ecosystem! You really think you're more interesting to look at than an entire ecosystem? There's an algae that grows ONLY on a sloth! You don't have ANY alage on you." He said this with disappointment, that was the best part. And all this time I thought that made me more attractive. Huh. Some brides are afraid their fiance will run off and be with another woman. Some brides are afraid their fiance will run off and be with another man. I'm afraid my fiance will run off to go live in the jungle. How do ya like them apples?!

Okay, I'll play. I am Sass in the Pants. I live in my house in Redford. It looks like this /\ [ ], except it's blue. I'm also engaged (it seems to be going around lately, I suggest boiling the water and washing your hands after using the toilet just to be safe). My fiance likes rocks, and shiny objects and asks me every day if we can have a sloth be the ring bearer in our wedding. No, he's not twelve, but I wouldn't blame you for thinking he was. I told him the Catholic Church wouldn't allow non-humans in the wedding party. He said I was being a "speciest" and he was going to call PETA on my ass. You won't likely see me at CC or any of the other cluibs really. I'm just very busy is all. If I do make it to a club I will probably be wearing a peach prom dress, or a lime one and if this EBay bid goes well, I'll have a fuschia (let me say that again, FUSCHIA) one to add to the collection. I also wear them when I go sing karaoke. I'm not so much a karaoke "singer" as I am a "karaoke performance artist". And now it's off to bed because seriously, it's 8:30 and I'm falling asleep as I sit.

Regina Spektor