Mom is on her way out

[RosyBlue]

I don't like talking about this kind of stuff in a public place. I'm not sure why I'm even posting it here. I guess I just don't know how to handle it. My mom is getting close to dying. Her body has been hanging on for so long but she's been ready to go for a long time. I don't want her to suffer anymore but I don't want her to be gone. I feel like it's selfish of me to want to keep her here. She's never even had a chance to just be a normal, healthy person. She's been sick since she was born. I don't believe in an after-life or reincarnation so please don't tell me I'll see her again. I won't. She's been losing consciousness the last few days and her body is shutting down. I don't want this.

I'm going to see her today in a few hours. She'll probably wake up for me. Every time she's had a big stroke and has been not really conscious, she wakes up for me. She didn't have a stroke this time though and she's not going to get better like she has before.

[Trene4000]

I understand.

[kat (1)]

I never know what to say because I know that there is nothing that is going to take the pain away but you and your family are in my thoughts sincerely. I'm sorry hon.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Here is a lot less public than FB or some such.  Part of why I post some things here that i would never post elsewhere.

That's really sad.  I know it sounds horrible but it sounds like shes ready to pass on, the less she has to suffer the better.  

 

*big concerned hugs*

[Maureen Falcon]

*hugs* I relate. I watched my mom die slowly for a year. 1989. Lung cancer. She held on tooth and claw for us. I would tell her that I will be fine and she can go. Doesn't really matter what you believe. what does she believe? Does she need your forgiveness?

[RosyBlue]

32 minutes ago, Moe Falcon said:

*hugs* I relate. I watched my mom die slowly for a year. 1989. Lung cancer. She held on tooth and claw for us. I would tell her that I will be fine and she can go. Doesn't really matter what you believe. what does she believe? Does she need your forgiveness?

I'm sorry about your mom. It really is horrible to watch someone you love hurt.

She was raised Catholic so she believes she'll go to heaven. And while I don't believe that, I would never take that comfort from her. It makes her feel better about it and that's all that matters right now. She asked me if I'm going to be ok when she leaves. She's worried about me. I told her that I won't be ok at first but I'll eventually be ok and that I don't want her to hurt anymore.

Everything makes me think about her right now. I was listening to music on my headphones at work the other night and a song made me start thinking about her. It feels like I can't get away from it. When it comes to fight or flight situations I've always been very much flight. When my dad died I literally ran out the front door. I don't even know where I was running to or why. Luckily my friend was at our house when it happened and he caught me and took me over his house. When my grandpa was dying (I was a kid at the time) I didn't even go see him. I didn't want to see him like that. I always go into flight mode.

[RosyBlue]

On 1/29/2017 at 2:21 AM, Troy Spiral said:

Here is a lot less public than FB or some such.  Part of why I post some things here that i would never post elsewhere.

That's really sad.  I know it sounds horrible but it sounds like shes ready to pass on, the less she has to suffer the better.  

 

*big concerned hugs*

She's been ready to go for years. When I was 13 she stopped taking her blood pressure meds on purpose because she figured it would cause her to have a heart attack or stroke and then she would die. She did have a massive stroke but luckily she lived.

[RosyBlue]

On 1/28/2017 at 5:04 AM, kat said:

I never know what to say because I know that there is nothing that is going to take the pain away but you and your family are in my thoughts sincerely. I'm sorry hon.

 

On 1/28/2017 at 3:59 AM, Trene4000 said:

I understand.

Thanks you guys

[Maureen Falcon]

I always used to say, "I love you Mom, Goodnight." But I was 14 and knew everything so I stopped.. The night she died 4:21am, I had said my usual..and she just looked at me for a long moment and said she loved me too. Then I went to bed. Woke up to the news. I am so happy we had that moment and I wish you both that same closure.

[sekhmet2002]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My thoughts are with you.