StormKnight

What Are You Thinking?

16,044 posts in this topic

I think I have totally lost motivation. I know I have stuff to do that is REALLY important and affect more than just myself. But the thought of trying to start handling any of it at this moment (before it turns into a crisis situation) is just not moving me...

Am I depressed, stressed or tired?

No idea.

:unsure:

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I think I have totally lost motivation. I know I have stuff to do that is REALLY important and affect more than just myself. But the thought of trying to start handling any of it at this moment (before it turns into a crisis situation) is just not moving me...

Am I depressed, stressed or tired?

No idea.

:unsure:

Depressed. 

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This is pitiful. In an attempt to not stress out with all that needs to be done, I am trying to follow the same way of doing things like I did before June. Unfortunately, now I'm missing handling too many important things. I think I'm going to have to do my bag lady impression and keep everything of importance on me so I don't miss anything else. However, still not quite sure where the lawnmower will go... :hrhr:

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I am neurotic and a stickler for detail and I find it interesting that when I notice subtle changes to an area or over analyze information I'm kind of treated like it's impossible for someone to be that aware of an area's surroundings or to give so much information on a certain topic that the "TMI" bomb is constantly dropped.

I can't help that I don't trust anyone especially after I was told by a stranger that they were always watching me out working, cutting grass and shoveling snow and tried to hit me up for a few bucks because they thought I was hired help. They didn't know I was maintaining family owned properties.

The larger the yard, the more apt a person is to "cut cross country", so I keep certain areas boarded off using Nature, herself. After many years, I can determine if a person has been through any of the yards just by looking at the plant life or the direction of a gate handle.

I suppose after being victimized in the past by people stealing and looting things we've worked so hard to acquire, I have become a bit paranoid. I want people to see me watching them watch me because if something happens, they know who I'm coming after first. My main priority is provide a sense of security for the family because I already know what it feels like to live in fear and uncertainty and, years ago, I made it my mission to never live like that again.

I suppose this would classify as a "TMI" moment...:blushing:

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I know I was not completely apart of the group, didn't share all the same interests, had a different flavor of drama that made me an outcast... To, um...*finger air quotes* goths..lol...anyhow, I met a few great human beings of this experience.

I did know, years ago that what has just happened within the circle, among the tightest, the shit I said would come out and people would finally realize the source of the friction, fighting, gossip, etc...

And so mote it be, that it has been exposed. Now maybe this person will get perspective and insight and begin to sort out the friction within.

 

 

 

Edited by kat

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I was told that I lack confidence and need to be more than just a nice guy.  They said that I am the best at the job I am doing but they don't think that I am really ment for that position.  I am supposed to push myself harder to learn a skill that will get me through the rest of my life.  This was all said in a very forceful way by a person who has a very aggressive personality and also happens to be an owner of the place I work at.  I have a few issues with this situation.

1. The reason I don't want to work the position he thinks I am ment for is because I shut down when there is a lot of yelling and aggression around me.  I forget everything that I know a just start shaking and just want to curl up in a ball.

2. I have been through college and cosmetology school and I have worked at many different skilled trades but nothing seems to fit for me.  Even the carnival performing wasn't a good fit long term.

3. The job I am currently working is so understaffed that it's not funny.  There are pretty much only 2 of us that work the position on a regular basis and a girl who has only worked 3 days so far and is only there until her college classes start back up this fall.

4. Everyone else who is working the position they want me in has gone to school for that trade and have spent years developing their skills.  Although I have worked in multiple restaurants before, I have a different style of doing things than they do.  I never went to school for it and all of my skills are from experience in much smaller businesses that were more of a home style comfort food establishments.  

I just feel that I am confident as a person and in the job I am currently doing.  My issues with aggression are from events in my past that I haven't been able to fully recover from, and I don't know if I really want to.  I do subscribe to the theory that I am responsible for how I feel and how I let things affect me so I am the only one to blame for this.  When I comes down to it, I think I am a good person and want to always be a good person.  I don't know where I want to be in 5 years and I don't know where life will take me.  I had plans and aspirations in the past and tried my hardest but failed.  I now live day to day and am fine with how things are going at the moment, things could be better but I have been through worse.  

I think I just need some advice or someone to help me figure out how to keep being a nice guy but still get people to understand that success isn't all about money and fancy things to me.  I am successful in my own way.  I have friends and family who care for me and an amazing girlfriend who stands beside me through good and bad.  That is success.

 

Sorry for the long rant.  I just had to get my thoughts out of my head on this issue.    

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Now I think I really am nervous about going to sleep or taking naps. Every time I close my eyes, I wake up to a text regarding a new change in our situation that affects everyone. This is really getting annoying and making me paranoid about finally getting chances to rest.

Maybe I should just stop getting full sleep altogether and that way I won't have to feel so shocked because I will be expecting it.

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Sorry for the long rant.  I just had to get my thoughts out of my head on this issue.    

No apologies necessary, you just used the site for the purpose it was created for...:happy:

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I am just this side of smothering her.large.cliff_by_krissi001-d6ewi94.gif.316

Unfortunately, that would then void all her policies and...well...you would...well...you know...be legally relocated.

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It's making me crazy watching all this money going out for utility bill pays. I'm planning on going green as soon as funds become available.

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My daughter just walked in the house after she got off work her and her friend hit the usually coney spot, she came in all nervous and excited like, um, do you like Social Distortion? Cause I think I just blew Mike Ness off! Lol, apparently they were at the coney cause there up here touring and must like coney food, I guess the waitress in the coney asked if they were in a band and he said yes, well my daughter and her friend were outside, Mike Ness came up to her, for some odd reason like do you like Social Distortion? She had no idea who he was and said, " their ok"...lol...

She realized when her and her friend started googling pics of the band what just happened! Her face was soo redred when she came home. Poor baby;)

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