StormKnight

What Are You Thinking?

16,044 posts in this topic

I've been so exhausted lately I can't keep focused and sound like an idiot half the time. My legs won't stop hurting regardless of what I am doing and shockingly enough autocorrect has become my friend.

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I know, right? gallery_81823_1234_302.gif  

 

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Here's to anyone who wanted me to fail yet again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 what kind of asshole packs his shit and leaves your house while your at work? A child, that's' who...cause only a child would not admit when you confront him, based on the last say two weeks of, um, him getting in your face telling you fuck you in front of your kid, and um, him causing you to in turn, flip out on him, and he justifies his saying fuck you and doesn't even acknowledge that the saying fuck you to me wasn't the worst part it was the saying it in front of my child, but there's the whole um, telling you to quit your job, and him impulsively quitting his job yet he tells you you are an impulsive person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there's the fact that you can't be gone at the doctor's for a couple hours and go to the grocery store without him saying you have neglected him and as a result he is now depressed and that you must not love him anymore, ...I won't continue, that should have been enough but anyway..,so when you say finally,  "hey dude this probably seems that it is not working out for both of us,  maybe you should leave,, maybe go back and live at your house and we still date each other but we just don't live together yet.  I have a feeling you don't really want to be here and that I am causing you anxiety, I feel I am maybe a little too much for you and I really don't want to overwhelm you. I was WOMAN enough to admit these things. A man would have said, yeah, your right, I do feel that may be better but instead, he choose to sit there and cowl in a corner the day I presented this too him and rather than step up and discuss the situation face to face and come up with a solution, he just whimpered and said "can I hug you", like I was a fucking teddy bear. Than, like a little bitch boy that he actually is, he waits until today, the day I go back to work off medical leave, I called my daughter because I have a gut feeling that he is going to pack his shit and move out, so I tell her to text me if he does anything such as packs his stuff and leave...low and behold, what happens? Around 3 o'clock...I get a.text from Angel: "so he packed all his stuff and just left"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, I see I have a message from him because he didn't think I knew yet saying "call me on your way home"..I just sent him a message like, wow, you couldn't just do this while I was home, you had to wait til I was at work? Than he texts me, "Oh well I was going to just live back here at home and see you on the weekends..I said don't bother...

 

They should hire me I swear to god on the Psychic Network!! I'm over here feeling like Miss Cleo and shit, wtf!!  

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It's getting worse. I am having trouble interacting in this situation. I keep trying to track what's happening and trying to help but the cloud in my head won't dissipate. It is getting harder to handle things I've never encountered before.

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He called and texted today...acting clueless, because he didn't text until after I decided the best thing to do was delete him, block him, so today I did, but an hour later he texts, playing stupid as if he hadn't seen he had been blocked, OOOOKKKKKKKKKK, so he keeps calling, and texting, I finally said okay, lets see, maybe he has something worth hearing, so I called, he talks about blah blah couldn't sleep last night, I miss you, the song Stay (country song by Sugarland, and it's a beautiful, tear jerking song) anyway, he said oh, that song, just popped in my head and has been stuck there all day, ( I didn't remember why) so I asked, he said, "remember, in my car that day, you just blurted it out and started singing it, it reminds me of you now"! LMAO, yea right, he heard it in the effin store and it made him think, "hmm, this sounds familiar, where have I heard this..oh, Kat, yeah, probably Kat". God, he just tries to be all sentimental and that makes it worse cause I know he don't give a fuck even if it did remind him of me, he probably wanted to cut his ears out with a blade in all honesty.  Than, he starts talking about our trips to the park in Trenton, walking across the bridge and the ducks and the pier and the special spot in this secluded park a few miles down where barely no one goes, it's my meditation place. Now I have to burn sage there to rid his nasty energy before I feel the peace I used to there. So, here's his solution, he loves me, he loves me on the weekend, he loves fun Kat, he loves carefree, Kat, he does not like Kat during the week in "social worker, job mode" He said I am different during the week...I said, um, yea, I deal with a lot of difficult real life issues, but I love my job, that is all I know, that is how I pay my bills, and I can't just quit my job, (cause he just quits his every three months, soon as he gets the truck driver's sign on bonus, he literally quits, no notice, walks the same day pretty much...I asked him, um don't you want longevity? Don't you want insurance? He has actually made the statement that he will probably end up on disability, I looked at him, laughed and said, um, you don't even go to the doctor, therefor, even if you had a condition that warranted you being eligible, you do not have any medical history at all, except maybe from your childhood, but that is not going to help for the issue he thinks is going to cause him to never be able to work again, lol. (lazy) I told him, I have several people working on disability cases with long medical and mental health histories, well documented by physicians who have been denied for years, upon years, and years, and fucking years, and my mother's friend it took her all the way to federal court to get a favorable decision for her disability benefits after she lost a leg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She could no longer perform her retail job that she had been doing for the past like 15 years and had no other skills and was over the age of 60, the judges locally still denied her several times, it was very unfair. When I gave him the actual reality of the situation his response was, "well, I will just go on my mother's disability plan"....which means, and I asked that he explain as I was confused, but it means he goes to live with mommy and mommy supports him financially, emotionally, etc...just like a wife or a girlfriend, which is basically what I was doing (he cooked and paid half the bills at least, thankfully) (not being sexist but she would be cooking, cleaning, reminding him to take his medicine, to shower, laundry, etc..) Yes, I did remind him to shower, take his heart medicine, clean, do his laundry, (he said I was the first person who ever did his laundry or folded it and hung it up on a hanger, lol) but I am a horrible girlfriend, right? Okay, that's fine. So basically the answer to his can we just see each other on weekends at first for awhile was, "I am sorry, based on the way you left here, I am not comfortable with that, and I am also feeling that you are not able to be here for the long term if you are only willing to be here when I am fun Kat, basically when you say that it tells me that when things get difficult in the relationship you will not be available or able to handle it, so ultimately you are not interested in being with me long term, you can't just have me when you want me, when things are good and than make me suffer and leave me to fiend for myself when things are bad, like how you left us with no food here, I feed him when I had money, I hit a rough spot, yeah he has paid for food but he knew I was broke and shit and he just left me and my daughter like, so what, fuck them. He even met my ex husband, who shook his hand and introduced himself showing him that he was happy that I had someone in my life now and because my son liked him so my son must have told my ex that he was nice to him so my ex must have automatically thought he was a good guy. I have humiliated my entire family. I just really did it this time.

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It is sad when people show their true colors but that does not reflect on you.  Do not feel embarrassed by someone else's short comings.  Just keep being the strong person you are and keep your head up.

Thanks but I have a terrible history with the guys I have been dating since leaving my marriage. I am clearly the problem. I swear god hates me sometimes, that's what I really believed when I was younger which is probably what taught me to seek other paths and question everything about the religion I was taught to based on fear of eternal fire and guilt

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I am feeling hopeful that things go the way they seem to be.  I was getting frustrated about not hearing when to start a job I was offered.  I decided to dress in my kitchen gear, because you should always dress for the job you want, and took my resume to a local restaurant.  The sous chef saw me at the door and decided to interview me before he even looked at my resume.  The interview went very well and he said I will get a call on Monday.  They also pay more per hour than the job offer I have been waiting on.  I hope things go as well as they seem.

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Thanks but I have a terrible history with the guys I have been dating since leaving my marriage. I am clearly the problem. I swear god hates me sometimes, that's what I really believed when I was younger which is probably what taught me to seek other paths and question everything about the religion I was taught to based on fear of eternal fire and guilt

GOD ddoesn't hate people. You were probably one of the millions of people taught that you earn GOD's love and have to fear HIM. That's sad, really. I know its not really my business but what I found is that I had to learn to love and respect myself. Once I did that I stopped making so many mistakes with relationships. I am much happier with my life in spite of everything that's going on. The most important thing is to accept yourself as you are, remember that GOD doesn't make junk, and you are loved.

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 I have humiliated my entire family. I just really did it this time.

Hey babe, all you did was stand up for yourself and make life choices. If someone is keeping a scorecard on you, that's their problem. In reality, the average person doesn't remember the details like the person living the situation. The other parties involved basically only remember the little tidbits worth gossiping about...lol.

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Hey babe, all you did was stand up for yourself and make life choices. If someone is keeping a scorecard on you, that's their problem. In reality, the average person doesn't remember the details like the person living the situation. The other parties involved basically only remember the little tidbits worth gossiping about...lol.

I keep trying to not take his calls or texts, but I make some lame reason as to why I need to give in and talk to him, mainly its because I just want to tell him how he has made me feel like a fool, he pretended to actually want to have a future with me, he said he loves my kids, my son's 12th bday is today, he is with his dad and will be with me tomorrow and Sunday, he is going to ask me where Dan is, I feel soooo bad...he and Dan used to watch like Spongebob and other stuff together. Dan, who want's to have a "weekend only" relationship with me, I basically told him fuck you, I told my male, social worker coworker that and he said, um, yeah, because he doesn't want a relationship he want's a booty call!! I mean, right, it's not that hard to figure out, oh but Dan will deny it and swear that he just doesn't like being around me during the work week because I am so "stressy and serious and that I interrogate and over analyze everything." I thing what it is with me is that, in regards to him, I intimidate him, he won't admit it but he appears to have a mood disorder, which um, a great deal of us do, I get it, shit, However, after I did some research into the what I have suspected all along, ( I mean i literally just found this article and he has done ALL of these, every single one, the only thing is with # 5, although yes, it is accurate he has been the best, however, I do not, have not, and never will be hooked on a guy based on that reason alone, HELLLL NOOOO, but anyway; Here is the link to the article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/07/dating-a-psychopath_n_4378946.html

reading this article is basically the story from beginning to end of our relationship. He is currently in discard phase...he is so confusing, he tells me how I am such a sweet woman and he still loves me but than tells me how I, oh idk, one day it's I cause him stress, another its I am going to make him have a heart attack and the reason he has to take his heart pills is because of me (you know, not his rare, genetic condition he has had since he was 12 and been taking the same heart pill for for 20 years, no, it's all my fault now) or, he tells me um, oh, here's my favorite, after a couple weeks of seeing him he says some shit that he couldn't keep up with me sexually!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm like wtf, seriously? I am 36, it's my peak, dude (even though he wanted to do the shit just as much if not more than me!!!!!!!!!) OMG, I am thinking of all the crazy stuff he pulled, like he said my daughter, who just graduated high school, she's starting college in September and moving to the dorms downtown in two months, she's been looking for a little job like at Tim Horton's, the coney islands around here, etc, well he says some shit that he things she should have to pay rent and that because she doesn't pay rent she should buy her own groceries!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry, I feel that is wrong, she is still a kid, it's not like she moved back home after she graduated college and just decided she didn't want to work, she wasn't even finished with high school and he said he thought she should have to pay rent!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, and he would, not just check out other women in public, I mean, we are human, we look at each other, no big deal, however, he would like gaze at people to the point I caught him doing it to this girl in Applebee's one day, she even noticed him doing it, I was like, um, you are probably creeping her out and you are kind of disrespecting me by staring jsut a little too hard at her, damn, I will tell a guy if I see a women in public to look at how beautiful she is because sometimes some women and men are just extremely beautiful and you cannot help but admire that, but shit, he was like starring down this girl that was just like a regular looking person...he did some bizarre shit. I mean, I admit I am a weird ass biatc% but I know that I am eccentric, I don't hide my oddities I embrace them. Like l met this  girl recently who was newly diagnosed with something like, idk, bipolar, anxiety, depression, I can't remember, but anyway, in a sorta joking manner she said something to the affect of , "I don't want to be crazy, or something along them lines. So,  I  just kinda blurted out, (in a joking, manner)  "Everyone is crazy, you just have to learn how to cope with it and make it your own special brand of crazy." I don't even know wtf I was talking about really, but she laughed and actually liked it....she got it too so that's always a plus when someone get's your boring psych jokes! 

Edited by kat

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 Here is the link to the article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/07/dating-a-psychopath_n_4378946.html

Like l met this  girl recently who was newly diagnosed with something like, idk, bipolar, anxiety, depression, I can't remember, but anyway, in a sorta joking manner she said something to the affect of , "I don't want to be crazy, or something along them lines. So,  I  just kinda blurted out, (in a joking, manner)  "Everyone is crazy, you just have to learn how to cope with it and make it your own special brand of crazy." I don't even know wtf I was talking about really, but she laughed and actually liked it....she got it too so that's always a plus when someone get's your boring psych jokes! 

OMG, I like to have busted a gut when I saw the title of the article....LOL

I think that's what I saw in that photo when I mentioned the "run" thing. I just didn't know what to call it at that moment. That's why I panicked about the proposal. To be honest, I was beginning to wonder if I was just being paranoid.

Also, "your boring psych jokes"...perfect 

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Edited by TronRP

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It's weird, I just realized that everything that has happened to me in my life keeps leading to these strange, but necessary outcomes. Fate has a way of putting me right where I'm most needed. Now I just need to be mentally on the same page so I stop coming across as selfish. Sure I want a life, but that will have to wait...maybe until my next one...

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Now the whole possibility of moving to Florida thing is starting to feel more appealing with the recent proposal, well both proposals but specifically the one where he said if I agreed to the move he would just ask that I go get my Masters degree as I intended to when I was married the first time until my ex forbid me to finish because I wasn't making enough money and I suppose I was, in turn interfering with his 100 dollar a pop, illegal Cuban cigars lifestyle he was trying to live. Dan said he knows how much it means to me and he said him investing in me for a year to get a degree that's going to ultimately allow us to have a better lifestyle together is absolutely a better idea than me stressing out, stuck in case management forever.

This sounds like a case I saw once on ID tv. Bad outcome. 

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Goodness sake, I wish I could tap into all that hidden potential they say the human body holds. It would be nice to be able to do that without the need of an outside stimulant. But I guess until then...痛い 痛い dang blasted pain...とても ひどい!!

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I been back to work just over a week and I can tell I am not right, I'm worried about my health, my bosses are even like we can tell you are not yourself yet, my coworkers.  I wish I would have never went to the new doctor, I wish the last four months or so we're just a bad dream.. I am so sad and afraid that I won't come back from whatever is happening. I wish my family was able to be supportive but they think being supportive is sharing their food stamp card;) oh well. 

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I was thinking that I should let you all know that I made it from central Pennsylvania back to Novi on the motorcycle safe and sound despite the best efforts of all the idiots out on the road today.

Great to hear you've made it safely back to the nuthouse...LOL

If you're ever out and about and see a little black Toyota Tacoma with a "Detroit Gothic. Net" bumper sticker on the drop down door...Hello from Me :D

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As I sit here waiting for these painkillers to knock the edge off my joint and gut discomfort, I'm beginning to think having chosen a lower cost health insurance plan may not have been the best thing in the long run. At least I'll be able to rectify that soon.

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