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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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On 9/18/2016 at 6:00 PM, michael840 said:

Feeling ok.  Chel left for PA so I decided to chill out and paint my nails.  I figure that I won't be to lonely while she is gone if I keep busy.  I am free during the day time if anyone wants to hang out.

Keeping busy is my only real coping mechanism that seems to work fairly well.  The others are there... but they are hit or miss.  I knew about this before but I am too lost right now to focus sorry I didn't respond. 

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On 9/18/2016 at 11:40 AM, zurgous said:

Relieved!!! I was worried sick that Kat wasn't ok. I even asked her daughter to check up on her. Also, my sinuses are less bitchy today. I am so bad about drinking enough water. Can't I just drink coffee all day? Haha!

Relief is a great feeling.   Hopefully you are doing better now. ( i know its several days later).  

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Brain won't seem to focus. Yeah I'm sick but I'm not that sick. Its like I'm mentally paralyzed. I have not had this problem in years. I have 500 things falling off the plate.I have some energy for once I can't seem to do any of it. Not sure wtf to do, breathing exercises aren't helping, feel isolated and confused.

 

Its scary. And I don't say that kind of stuff often.

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2 hours ago, Troy Spiral said:

Brain won't seem to focus. Yeah I'm sick but I'm not that sick. Its like I'm mentally paralyzed. I have not had this problem in years. I have 500 things falling off the plate.I have some energy for once I can't seem to do any of it. Not sure wtf to do, breathing exercises aren't helping, feel isolated and confused.

 

Its scary. And I don't say that kind of stuff often.

Your brain can't focus because of so many things to do.  It doesn't know where to start.  I suggest make a list then number them in order of importance.  This way you may be able to isolate each item to focus on.  The throw a random not important in now and then to take a break so to speak.  It might help.

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I am feeling ok.  I seem to have the motorcycle in good shape now.  Still only doing short test rides until Chel gets home.  I don't really feel like taking the chance of being stranded in the middle of nowhere with no one to call if I missed something on the bike.  I am pretty lonely and depressed with but not much longer until Chel is home.

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Totally depressed.  Car is going to cost $950 to fix.  All the freeze plugs need to be replaced.  They have to remove the engine to get to them.  Plus 1 of the plugs can't be guaranteed to hold.  Some kind of issue with the block I guess.  So now we need to find a way to come up with a down payment to buy a car.  Not going to trust craigslist anymore.  2 out of 3 cars we got off of there have had more problems than we were led to believe.  I had a feeling but my roommate who bought the car really wanted it and now blames me and his brother for pushing him into buying it.  Won't be able to attend Thursday night's greet due to no transportation.  I think I am just gonna find a hole in the ground and bury myself in it.  Starting to think it's not worth it anymore.  I need something nice to happen and soon.

Edited by Draco1958
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I can't believe that we've lost so many family members in less than a year. Our mother, grandmother, two aunts, a cousin, an uncle, and five furbabies.

It's taking so much not to just crumble into pieces. I keep waiting for the next one. The next phone call. The next life gone.

I finally understand that "peace that surpasses all understanding". Every time I start falling apart, that peace rises, filling me. I should be crazy from the stress but I'm not.

The hurt from all this loss nearly paralyzed me and the overwhelming guilt I felt, being so useless, it was tearing me up. Until the voice of reason pointed out how I had no control over other people. I was reminded that my mother was tired of fighting stage four sarcoma. She already outlived numerous friends, including her best friend, and one of her sisters. My grandmother was ancient and had already suffered several heart attacks and strokes. Mikey was 15 (105 years old in human years). We knew nothing about the mass pressing against his spine or the fluid that cut off his ability to eliminate waste from his body until he suddenly collapsed in pain. Momiji was going to be 18 in October (almost 126 years old in human years). She had gone into kidney failure. She was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease in June of 2015. For her to live this long, still playing like a kitten, was a true miracle.

I was able to let go of the guilt. Right now I'm just trying not to focus on all the loss, especially of my little Momiji just this Saturday. I'm just taking it one minute at a time. Keeping busy or occupying my mind with other activities. I still have the kids to help out with and my boys to see about.

 

 

 

So many happy memories to hold on to. When I start to feel sad, I'll remember those good days and the many fun adventures we've had.

I'm thankful the accident didn't steal those. :happy:

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