what's your most disturbing memory?

[Vater Araignee]

My wife and I returned from the city club My mother and step father where baby sitting Tytianna she was 18 months old at the time. Any way I accidentally woke her up and she instantly started crying and repeating a new phrase over and over "be goule" translated bad girl. Our hearts broke.

This explains why we do not get out much.

So what's your most disturbing memory?

[paradox]

wow, that really sucks.

itd have to be my wifes c-section. a very nerve wracking day that was.

[Vater Araignee]

"I'll bet" he said using his writers imagination

truth be told thats my second most

but some things we just can't share

[Brenda Starrr]

When I was 14, I was walking home from my one and only detention ever. This guy walked past me a total of 8 times. (Yes, I counted)

On the 8th passing, he pulled out a knife and proceeded to drag me into an alley. He told me that if I screamed, he'd kill me. I complied, but I couldn't understand why (during rush hour) no one would stop to help me. This was all visible and in broad daylight. For some reason, he dropped me and ran.

Six months later, I was off to my bus stop. He followed me, started to grope me, and asked if I remembered him. What kind of fucking question was that??? He was wearing the same fucking clothes he wore the first time.He said he was going to finish what he started. If it weren't for my friends who were coming toward us, I'm pretty sure that he would have done it.

A few years later, there was a composite sketch shown on the news of a man who raped and murdered a woman on a nearby college campus. The description that another student gave of a man who was walking out of the woods described this man. Wearing the same fucking getup.

I dreamt for years that he found me, no matter where I was. I could never scream in these dreams. I didn't stop having nightmares until 1993, when I was pregnant with my son. I finally screamed.

[The_Dark]

Very early memory of a dream that still haunts me. I know what house I lived in when I had the dreams, that places my age at about 3. I can still, at nearly 38, remember the dreams as if I just awoke from them.

I was in a huge room. I could not see the ceiling the room was so tall. It was about 40 feet wide by 100 deep. the side walls were covered with shelves. the far wall was blank. I am not sure what was behind me. In the far left corner of the room was a desk with a lamp on it. Various small trinkets covered the desk. Seated at the desk was a woman with redish hair in a lab coat. She was writing stuff down. A man was looking at something on the shelves very intently and speaking over his shouldewr to the woman. I walked to a wall and looked into a shelf. What I saw was a large rock looking thing. Grey and spongy, full of holes and tunnels. The Object was pierced with pins. Each pin had a colored glass head. The man approached me and asked what I was doing. I responded "Looking at that. What is it?" His response still gives me the creeps when I think about it... "Why, thats your soul." "What are the pins for?" "We are testing it, to see if it's ready." I woke up then. I had dreamt about this place alot when I was little. Nearly every night. I never understood what was going on really... Only that it was happening to a lot of people.. and somehow I knew it was wrong and needed to be stopped. After we moved.. I stopped dreaming about the place. I'm glad for that. The dreams still pop into my head at times.. unwanted memorys of things best left forgotten.

[Nienna]

Mine isn't really something I'm ready to share with anyone. Suffice to say I still wake up crying from dreaming about it sometimes though.

[torn asunder]

...

Edited March 14, 2005 by torn asunder

[TomCat]

I'll go with watching my Mother die of a heart attack, in my ex wife's house just days after the divorce was finalized, while getting worked up & trying to tell my ex mother in law what a lying cheating whore my ex was. I'm sure Mom haunts that bitch every chance she gets. (I was there with a court order to get my belongings that Satan was holding out on)

[fallennon]

I'm not ready to share that either. But I will say that there really isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of it...

[Fierce Critter]

I'm not coming up with anything profoundly disturbing. Sad, shocking, angry, etc. but not disturbing. That includes my brother's death, my dog's death and various other pets, etc. They're all something, but not disturbing, at least not to a strong degree.

Perhaps the closest I can come is this one. I was driving down Southfield road in Lincoln Park, nearing where Fort Street intersects. I can't remember whether he was by himself or with some people, but a guy started crossing the road, and he got hit by a car. I can vividly see him cartwheeling over the hood of the car and landing like a rag doll. There were a ton of people stopping to call for help and assist, so I didn't stop myself as I would have just been in the way. But after it happened, I got a tad worked up and cried.

Besides that, there are some work-related things that, if you're not the person experiencing it, might seem trivial in comparison. But in retrospect, I'm wishing the memories would just go away. For instance, my first "real" job was at AAA Michigan. I was in my early 20's, and a pretty immature person when it came to the workplace. I ended up clashing with a new supervisor, and took the easy way out of going for a higher paying position in a REALLY REALLY bad department. After 1 day on the job, I went back to my old department and pretty much tearfully begged the department head to let me come back. He didn't let me. Looking back with new knowledge, and realizing how the guy loved seeing me beg like that just makes me ill.

Related to the same situation, I had also been really naive. When having problems working in that department, I confided in a guy who turned out to have been the ex-partner of the department head when they were cops prior to both coming to AAA. They were actually good cop/bad cop'ping me the whole time. What a fool I was.

I hate thinking about how immature & naive I once was. THAT disturbs me.

[Vater Araignee]

Related to the same situation, I had also been really naive. When having problems working in that department, I confided in a guy who turned out to have been the ex-partner of the department head when they were cops prior to both coming to AAA. They were actually good cop/bad cop'ping me the whole time. What a fool I was.

I hate thinking about how immature & naive I once was. THAT disturbs me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey that's a profound growing experience and life lessons can be very disturbing

[TronRP]

I have had so many disturbing memories from the time I was 3 months old that now I find it difficult to react to much of anything anymore no matter how disturbing it is. I can't afford to let anyone around me know how things truly affect me because I am the "go to" person for everything in the entire immediate and extended family. A strong facade has become my personality and my family believes I can do anything.

I continuously miss my old self when things used to be new and curiosity reigned.

What is most disturbing to me now is how often I find myself crying inside...

[TheGimp]

I would say its a tie between three.. hard to pick just one.

1) would be my step father punching me dead in the face when I was about 8 years old and breaking my nose. ( told mom I got in a fight)

2) would be again my step father picking me up by my shoulders at 10 years old and throwing me down the basement stairs causing my eye to be swollen shut for 2 days. (told mom I fell)

3) last but not least my father getting caught by perverted justice ON my 21st birthday and having that shit broadcast on the news.

[Slogo]

Moving my (then) gf's hair out of her face to see her completely pale with blue lips and unresponsive. She survived but it was heart wrenching to see it.

[Class-Punk]

Here are some of mine:

I was a cutter for some years and have many scars from it, but I never threatened my life by it.

There's bad dreams I've had I would never share publicly.

When getting my partial dentures I had all my top front teeth pulled at once which were all rotted, then they fitted the false teeth in, and I took painkillers and kept them in for days while the blood clotted. I was 22 or 23 at this time.

Last year I went to a 24-year-old friend's visitation maybe a month after talking to him on the phone. This was not easy. May he rest in peace.

When I was younger and stupid I was doing small amounts of cough syrup. I eventually decided to take 34 Robitussin gels and thought I was dying, but this likely wouldn't of actually happened because I had them measured out to my bodyweight. It was just that they were red and the drug had distorted maybe at least 50% of my vision so I thought that I had puked up a bunch of my own blood instead of the gels. The drug is a dissociative and after that night I felt permanently different, but I never saw any evidence that I might've lost intelligence. I'm long since over this, but if I could go back in time that night would've never happened. If I get sick, I don't touch cough syrup.

Kundalini symptoms are disturbing but not necessarily dark, I had multiple kundalini symptoms when I was practicing those techniques where I thought I was going to die. These experiences came about because I was trying to force the process continuously; its unlikely anything harmful would have actually happened to me, but the experiences were still legitimately unnerving.

[Illuminatrix]

The only thing that I could think of was some lady that called me when I first got my current cell number. She called a week into first getting my phone and then again a month later. The first time it seemed like just a wrong number; she was looking for some other girl. She seemed really confused. I thought it was an elder lady with dementia.

The second time she said a string of words in a different language and gave this delicious chuckle that screamed premeditated plotting or knowing. It creeped me out severely. Again, I thought she had dementia. This time, with an emphasis on "dement(ed)"

The language definitely sounded like it was from the romantic branch. I was reading a lot of Portugese at the time, so I'm probably biased as to what I thought it was. The only word I could distinguish was something like "morte," which could very well be my imagination running wild; the rest of the words proved to be unintelligble to various spelling changings on google translate. The number proved to be from Michigan, based on the area code.

Idunno. Kinda wish she would call again. :/ I still have her number, but it's been a few years and I hate talking on the phone.

My running summation is that I got cursed by a gypsy. Or I got my fortune told for free. Score!

Edited October 7, 2012 by Illuminatrix

[EagleRose]

I have two very disturbing memories and they both deal with cars. The first one happened while I was a preteen, I stepped out of the back seat just as my mom pulled into the driveway. I was clinging to the door and watching my body being dragged with my foot sliding under the rear tire.

The second one, I ignored the warning in my head and went with my sister and her father-in-law to lunch. On our way back, we stopped at a red light. She thought she was in the intersection because of the way the traffic signal was set. Her father-in-law and I both told her she was looking at the driveway next to us that belonged to a factory. He pointed out the intersection which was several feet ahead. The Pontiac Grand Am SE behind us stopped. A white van zoomed through the red light in the lane next to us. My sister looked up in the mirror and said, "Oh lord, he's not stopping." Suddenly, everything began moving in slow motion. I remember seeing their heads slam back into their seats' headrests as I began floating back and upwards. I felt the back of my head slam into the rear window and everything turned pitch black. Problem was, I wasn't unconscious. I just couldn't see... anything. However, that didn't keep me from feeling. I felt my head slide up the rear window, strike the rim, yanking my head back and upwards. The top front of my head slammed into the ceiling. I found myself leaning forward against the seatbelt between the front seats. Everything was too bright and I couldn't hear anything. My right foot was twisted and jammed under the driver's seat. When I was finally able to focus, I saw my sister turned around shouting at me. I read her lips and realized she was asking if I was alright. I really have no idea what I said to her and scarcely remember the ambulance ride to the hospital. I have vague memories of people and the police standing around a crushed Grand Am and a Black Dodge Durango pick up with those grid protectors on the front. The report said he was moving at 80 mph. An eye-witness to the entire incident wrote he couldn't believe what he saw. He just knew we were all dead. Especially the little boy who wasn't wearing a seatbelt in the Grand Am that was crushed between us. (How's that for a lunch break? Poor guy. He'll probably never eat outside again.)

As a result of the accident, I suffered a tear to my abdomen that went unchecked for five years. None of my doctors would listen to my complaints about the pain, so I kept looking for one who would. Turned out I had a tear that formed a tumor that had grown to be fourteen inches long, ten inches wide, and six inches thick. The thing weighed 7 pounds. Fortunately it was non-cancerous but I was being crushed internally. It rearranged my internal organs since it grew upward and not outward. The worst thing about it was after it was removed. I saw a photo of the thing and it looked like a bizarre baby. I laughed it off and named it Junior, after that movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito.

My final memory, due to the accident, is constantly waking up in the ER or a strange place after each seizure. I'll be doing something like cooking and find myself staring at black smoke and my brother screaming at me with the fire extinguisher, trying to wake me up. In April, it will be 10 years since that accident and I'm still a mess.

Of all the things that's happened to me, I find these the most disturbing. Not even being kidnapped is as disturbing because I knew I'd get away somehow. My injuries and medical conditions... I can't escape these. My lost memories will never return and my short term memory is scrambled. It isn't fair. Out of three vehicles, I was the only one injured in the accident. Why couldn't I have been spared as well? The frame of our car was snapped from the force we were hit with.

The fact that I can't remember the year before that accident or many events of the past ten years is the most disturbing of all.

[TronRP]

My most disturbing memory is remembering cognitively turning 5 years old.

From the moment I can remember seeing, which was somewhere around 3 months old, until that fateful day when I turned mentally 5, I always saw the physical world through one eye, my left eye. My right eye, on the other hand, always saw a dark room with a cracked door letting in just enough light to make out the image of the door which was hinged on the left side and opened outward on the right side. A small blob like red mass always hovered over the opened door in the darkness. And for as long as I can remember, there was a voice coming from that area telling me things I would need to know, very little of it made since at the time, but I was used to always hearing that voice and seeing that opened door in the darkness.

However, I started noticing something was not quite the same the year I blew out the candles on the cake for my 4th birthday. There was less light in my right eye and the darkness was growing...it appeared that the door had begun to slowly close, but I could still hear the voice just not as loudly as it once was. By this time, I was able to understand the majority of the words being said to me, just not their full meanings. As the year went on, from time to time I found myself conversing with the voice and beginning to learn, understand and comprehend meanings of things I had yet to be taught in this world.

And before I knew it, came my 5th birthday. I found it very difficult to concentrate on what people around me were saying to me. The voice had begun speaking in a quicker pace and conveying information in a blur of statements and explanations to the point where it was either listen to the voice or the people talking to me. I chose the voice since I knew it better and was more familiar with the simplicity of the darkening room.

Then it happened. The season had just turned to Spring of my 5th year, my mother was entertaining my siblings and I with a game of Hot, Hot, Cold. However, in the midst of collecting an orange circle game piece, my mother had cut from construction paper, my body froze as if it forgot what it was doing when suddenly I felt as though I were slightly drowning from an influx of information to the brain. There was a brief pause and the madness stopped when I heard the voice as clear as day say, “That is everything you will need to know, now don’t forget it.” The door slammed closed abruptly, the light was gone and for the first time ever, vision faded into my right eye. The first images it saw, I was facing the wooden front door, standing in the living room with my hand extended to reach for the bookshelf. I could tell my mouth was gapping open in shock. I remember hearing myself repeating the words, “Don’t forget.” I suddenly felt confused, scared and alone. I felt myself starting to cry when I turned to my mother, who was sitting on the couch, and stated that there was something I was not supposed to forget. My mother walled over to me and hugged my head. Smiling down at me she said, “You were almost there”, looking over at my outreached hand. Dazed, I kept saying that’s not it. I was supposed to remember something else. She said, “If it is important you will remember it.” She could tell I was upset, she just had no idea as to what had upset me just then. I remember playing out the rest of the game with tears in my eyes looking for the darkness. I had lost my friend…but I’ve always remembered, “Don’t forget”.

[uroboros1640]

This happened about 10 years ago. I was up for over two nights. Sleepless, I was also on Ritalin (ADD matters). I drank a bit too much coffee too in those days. We were going out to a club and right beforehand, I had visions of some bad event about to happen. Anyways, we proceeded with out plans. Usually I would be dancing my ass off. THis time I was sitting on the corner, dark thought, nothing in particular. We left early. Drove around. We love trees, went someplace with lots of trees so we could meditate and find out what's bothering me. The second we parked, something from the sky fell on my head, causing me major visions of a whole bunch of religion-related stuff. I couldn't talk to my friend who started driving. I felt my voice was changing, and I was telling him that this is not me and that I don't know what's happening. Then I saw myself on a surgery table. Something about God and what not. Operation table? it was like a bad dream. Anyways, we parked on my driveway, as soon as the car stopped, I felt this "thing" lifting off of me, leaving me, getting far from me, back into the sky. I started crying.

Since I have had been sleepless, I am assuming I "dreamed with my eyes open". But boy was it freaky as heck.

Still to this day, I think about it, analyze it. I wonder if my brain waves slowed down as if I am in a sleeping mode, but my eyes and the rest of my body continued to be away. A bizzarre experience but also interesting.

Some of the stories I read here just now tho... man, crazy.

I have some other ones. And there is one I cannot seem to grasp at all.