Paper Hearts

"Silly Bahraini girl, you can't sleep because of James Cagney, baby, James Cagney. And I realize that you're not Bahraini yet, but you will be. The Genie knows everything" **puff of smoke, the genie exits from stage left**

"Pass me the Potato Skins, babe."

"Dear Brenda Starrr, When I was a young boy I counldn't never afford no shoes fer my feet at all, and my mama always used to remind me: "I was sad that I didn't have no shoes, 'till I met the man who didn't have no socks". -Just like the Bible says. Also, the sounds you hear are actually your soul being sucked out of you through your ass. -Just the way the Lord intended."

knows that he can't make everyone happy...but also realizes that he can piss everyone off, and it's just as satisfying.

just made you quiche

Caw! Caw! Caw!

Owl Man

(he loves you)

Lady in Red

Never will forget the way you look tonight

He's the type of guy who leaves his drawers in your hamper

will ferret you out

Doesn't know that the implied setting for the Wizard of Oz, is Lawrence Kansas, and that I've been there and walked along the fake yellow brick road.

Originally thought the Steve Irwin was speared by a Sword Fish.

swimming in bruises

Can't stand to watch chicks box eachother

Rides to work on the back of a Kodiak Brown Bear

Papua New Guinea makes him crack the hell up

son of the Quaker Oats guy

really smacks

Believes Elvis was a Goth chick, and an Aethiest, Communist, queer.

can't understand why he's having such a hard time forcing people into his version of freedom.

Immaculate Sanchez

Cheetah